Gilligan’s Island

I for one think there is entirely too much sex on television. I’m not talking about HBO/Cinemax and channels such as those, because you are paying for that, and you should get your money’s worth. I’m talking about network television. Every time you turn on the TV it seems you can see some sort of sexual act being carried out. Maybe they’re not fucking but they are acting like they are fucking, and that should count. What are the rules of broadcast TV anyway? As long as you’re not showing nipples or pubic hair on a woman, everything else is ok to show. Same for a man, as long as the penis isn’t hanging out you can show whatever else you want. Want a little ass, no problem. Apparently, the ass is ok to show now. I’m definitely not a prude and I’m surely not the model citizen for decency. I just think that when you hand out the sex to people in an as is situation, then you leave nothing to the imagination; and that’s just wrong.

Look how many people are depressed these days. How many kids have ADHD? It’s because they don’t have to use their imaginations anymore. When I was young, I’d be lucky if I got to see anything on TV. The sexiest commercial we ever had to watch was for Nair. You know the one, “Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts. If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for short shorts.” Oh yeah… I remember it well. Although compared to today’s standards those shorts were not short whatsoever; but to my 8-year-old mind, they were perfect. Of course, at my age the only thing that could beat the smooth legs of the Nair girls were my other two favorite women on television: Ginger and Mary Ann.

Ah, the glory of Gilligan’s Island. Do you honestly think that young boys watched that show because of the terrific plots or because of the award-winning acting? Of course not, but where else as an eight-year-old boy do you get to see both sides of the spectrum on women? You know, first you’ve got Ginger, who is a pure horny slut girl and proud of it. Ginger doesn’t give a shit, she looks good, she knows she looks good, and she will use whatever she has to get what she wants. How many times did she give Gilligan that “I’ll blow you if you tell me what the Professor is planning” look? I knew it was a sexy look at a young age and I surely liked it.

Of course, at the opposite end of the slutty spectrum you had Mary Ann. She was a very innocent looking girl and had that down home farm girl look to her. She was definitely attractive, but she didn’t really use it to her advantage. She was a “nice girl” as defined by your mother if you were to bring her home, which might be difficult because she’s stranded on a fucking deserted island. The point is that Mary Ann was the polar opposite of Ginger, but she still drove us crazy. She was very pretty to start with, and then she had the pigtails and all and just played the innocent farm girl thing to a T. However, anyone watching had to know that behind closed doors, Mary Ann was probably more of a slut than Ginger could ever have been. Come on, you think she is really that sweet and innocent, all showing her midriff on television and all? Sure, that is common practice these days, but back in the 70’s when these shows first ran, that was rather risky. I think honestly that if they had a contest to suck a golf ball through a garden hose, Mary Ann would have won hands down. Ginger put on the act, but Mary Ann came through in the end, at least in the imagination of young pre-pubescent boys everywhere on my block. Of course, if I had to be stuck on an island, I’d take them both.

Today on TV though, you don’t have to imagine that kind of shit. They will show you all of it. Had this show been on television these days there would be some definite different plot twists. Of course, aside from the Howell’s everyone would be fucking everyone; you would just have to these days. It’s in the standards laws of any new show. The professor would be a woman also and you know there would have to be some kinky girl/girl stuff going on to make it on TV now. We had to imagine the kinky girl/girl stuff that probably happened in Mary Ann and Gingers tent every day after that show went off the air. Now it just happens in plain view of everyone; and it’s rotting your brains away and leaving you nothing to use your imagination for anymore. That’s why your son can’t concentrate in school… he’s been shown everything his imagination would have done for him already and it’s fried his brain.

Turn off the TV and get him the Sears catalog and turn it to the bra section and let him use his imagination like he’s supposed to.