Month: July 2004

Whoa, August is tomorrow already? When did that bullshit happen? I swear I was just blowing off fireworks last night. Oh that’s right I was, then the cops came, we had our little talk and a few hours and a couple hundred bucks later I was back home. But that’s not the point, the point is that this year is going by way too fast. Apparently you spend your whole life growing up wanting to be older, then you hit that magical 30 and you’ve gained so much momentum that now it keeps moving so fast and it seems like you are going to be in adult diapers in no time. I’ve already seen the boss that’s been at my job since I started leave this year, my friends might be splitting up, my job sucks more and more and a lot of other things this year that I’m not too fond of. Being 30 sucks ass. Oh, and by the way, that part about the fireworks and the cops. I made that shit up to keep you fuckers reading.

Well, there is one good thing about July ending. My bandwidth gets reset soon. At my last check I was right around the 3.85GB range, meaning one too many asshole AOL’ers could fuck up my site and push me over the limit. Fortunately I am less than an hour and a half away from August 1st meaning it will reset very soon.

Speaking of only being an hour and a half away from August 1st I have a question. Why don’t people celebrate that shit? Everyone gets all excited when you change the calendar from December to January so why not when we change from July to August; or any month for that matter? I know in December you get to pick a brand new calendar and all, you can shed your Hello Kitty image and go for the much more rough and tough Garfield calendar, but come on… the month is changing, that deserves some sort of celebration. Wait, I just turned on my police scanner, and it sounds like some people are celebrating the new month. Good for them, nothing makes celebrating a new month worth it like waking up in the detox clinic with your front teeth busted out.

No, not the stupid shitty clothes place in your lame ass mall in your lame ass town. I’m not talking about that gap between your teeth either. I’m talking about the gap between how much bandwidth I’m allowed per month and how much I’ve used thus far. I get 4GB and I’m at 3.5GB. At this moment I see no need to purchase extra considering that it should be reset again in three days and I guess although I’m hoping that nothing goes down, that if it does it won’t be the biggest problem in the world considering it would only be a day or two of down time. My only question is why the hell does July have to have 31 days in it? Damn you calendar people.

As long as we are damning people, I’ve got a few more people to damn. What kind of people would need to be damned you ask? Well, mostly the breathing variety, but to be more specific…. customers. Yes, they suck and they always will. We are running this lame ass 10/$10 sale this week. Lame as hell, don’t even tell me because I already know. The stupid thing is how many dumb asses have to ask how much one of them costs. Hmmm, well let me see, take 10 divided into 10, carry the 5, change the negative into a positive, round off to the next higher number and you have um… $1. Fuckin’ duh. Yes, life is grand in retail.

Yep, another weekend that I’m working during. This is getting old really fast. I really don’t mind working on the weekends as long as I still get my days off during the week, but it’s just the fact that I work from 6:45 until 12 that pisses me off. It’s a short day and it totally fucks the rest of the day. Can’t go anywhere because it’s too late by the time I get done so any plans are out the window. At least if I worked until 3 or 4 then I would have already accepted that my day was shot and be done with it. However I get home and have almost eight hours of sunlight left but can’t do anything with. Why you may ask? Well, because I have to get up at 5am again tomorrow and do the same bullshit over again. I think I need a Powerball fix really soon.

I think my Cartman site has peaked finally. I am still getting hits on the website, in fact I currently have over 500,000 hits total. Although I loved having that many hits (some days 70,000 a piece) I am kind of glad it is winding down. The whole bandwidth thing was starting to get worrisome. I get 4GB a month to play with and I am very close to 3GB used right now. If I can have the lower hits until August 1st then I will be totally cool and not have to buy extra. There is only a week to go so I’m hoping that it will stay on the low side until then. During August I might have to re-iterate that the site exists and that the fuckers should start voting. The elections start on August 3rd so I will have to keep the shit on the front burner until the election is over. Then I get to make the Cartman victory page because come on, the fat little fucker is going to win.

OK, who turned on the fucking humidity? It’s not nice at all out there and I had to break down and install the damn air conditioners last night. When it is almost 80 degrees out at 10pm and the humidity is almost 100% then you know it’s going to be a bitch of a day. You know, the kind of day when you stick to everything? Once you put your arm down it’s not coming back up without some peeling off of your body. But now I’m in my house with the A/C running and I’m enjoying it very much. There is nothing better than that when it gets this shitty out. According to the people that predict this weather stuff, they say it is supposed to cool off tomorrow. So, when I go back to work tomorrow it is going to be much nicer out. You fuckers better be right.

I bought the Complete 4th Season of South Park last night. I haven’t watched any of it yet, but I might check it out during the day today since going outside probably isn’t an option.

Yeah, I guess it was a three day weekend, although I don’t think it seemed very long. Of course on Friday I was out and about most of the day so the day flew by. Saturday I was out of the house before 5:30 in the morning heading to my friends house, then we left there around 7 am and headed to Noah’s Ark. We left there at almost 5pm and I think I got back to my house somewhere around 8 Saturday night. Sunday ended up being one of those lazy days around the house things. I didn’t do anything too exciting except go to the store and buy a new sparkplug and oil for the lawnmower. Did I install that stuff though? Oh hell no, that’s what my day off on Wednesday is for. There is no reason to do too much on a weekend is there?

Speaking of Noah’s Ark, I didn’t do anything too extravagant there. I’m not one for high flying adventures so I did the less suicidal slides. I like the rides where you can ride with more than one person because I guess if you crash and burn you can at least hope one of you can swim.

My Cartman site is currently over 300,000 hits and is only a week old. That’s way better than anything I’ve done before.

Holy hell. I had no idea that making an Eric Cartman for Class President site would generate this much interest. The statistics finally came back from my provider and I have to say it is quite amazing how far a little promotion will go. My own site (disgruntledhuman.com) has a total of 80,729 hits on the site. Now, you have to realize that the site has been up since March of this year. There is a total of five months time for me to get those 80,729 hits. My Cartman site has been up since Monday, July 12. The Cartman site has 93,402 hits on it. In one business weeks time I have gotten more hits on my site than my main site has gotten since it’s creation five months ago. It’s mind boggling. I do like the Cartman site and even after the E-lections are over and done with, I will probably leave it up. Besides, there is a shitload of signatures in the guestbook and I would hate to get rid of all of those. Perhaps when this is done and Cartman wins the election I will then go after the White House.

Tomorrow I am going to Noah’s Ark again in the Dells. Although my last visit there was plagued by injury, I am going to try again. I will try and be careful this time and yes I will wear my sunscreen because I’m not particularly fond of my head peeling. I think it is actually going to be nice out weather wise as well, so that should be cool… well, actually warm.

And hey, just to rub it in to everyone. I’m enjoying a three day weekend. For anyone out there that is working I have a piece of advice. Actually I don’t have any advice, I just wanted to get your attention so I could say “haha suckers.”

Cartman in 2004!!

This won’t take too long because my ass is extremely tired and I want to go to bed. I am going for my 15 minutes of fame for websites. Unfortunately it isn’t my personal site or ever my 3rd Bass sites, but instead a site for Eric Cartman. Of course it would have to be for Cartman.

Anyway, assuming my site doesn’t crash and burn because of all the bandwith that is going to the Cartman side it should be pretty fucking sweet.

MY CARTMAN SITE

I’ve seen some stupid things in my days of retail, but this is stupid to the 9th degree. First off, the product itself… why the fuck do you want your nether region to smell like a lavender blossom, or aloe or chamomile? What woman is seeking this item out? Do you think you will be fooling everyone when you are in the office and one of your co-workers in the next cubical leans over and says… you know Jenny, I think someone has some flowers in here, because I swear, I smell lavender blossom.

Ok, no guy is going to say that because I don’t think they’ve ever smelled lavender blossom before; I know I haven’t. And ladies, what about when you venture outside into the nice summer weather? Do you think that having the smell of fresh spring flowers radiating from your crotch isn’t going to attract a few bees looking to pollinate? I think it will. Then you will get stung in your hoo hoo dilly and whose fault is it going to be? Certainly not mine. I know, it will be Kotex’s fault.

Part two of the stupidity of this. I ripped this little paper off my shelf today, but don’t worry, there are plenty more of them up there. Read closely kids, because if you notice it’s a fucking scratch and sniff. Won’t you be the hit of summer school with your scratch and sniff Lightdays paper?

Of course, to top it all off; I don’t even carry this product on my fucking shelves. That’s right, there is advertising for flowery crotch coverings in my aisle and I don’t even carry the god damn things. How’s that for a fucking Monday?

Tomorrow is inventory time again. We only do it three times a year but it is still a slight pain in the ass. In my department I run a perpetual inventory so I can usually complete my entire department in roughly three hours. All of my open stock is in totes and anything that is in a tote is already counted on the running inventory sheets so that is just a copy there, then all I have to do is make sure my credits are done and count any miscellaneous bullshit laying around. So, tomorrow is the big day, but I’ve already got to be there for the bookkeeping. I will just have to work a little extra tomorrow to make sure that I’m good to go. Hate when I get those extra hours.

I have a question that I am sure I have posed here before, but I must bring up the topic once again. What in the hell is wrong with people that use AOL thinking that they have to use ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME AND ALWAYS PUT A LOT OF !!!! AND ??? IN THE DAMN SENTANCE. Oops, I actually used a period in that sentence, shouldn’t have because they are punctuation challenged as well. Of course I’m talking about my two welfare Wal Mart supporters that have emailed me in the past whining about how unfair it is that I pick on the retail giant (funny, my name is David).
So anyway, these idiots never reply to anything I’ve ever said and I’ve finally figured it out. I didn’t put it in their language. What I’ve been trying to convey to these idiots is this: You can tell me whatever you want to and I don’t really care. In fact if you could construct a sentence like a normal human being I might actually consider putting your rebuttal on my site. However since you are obviously a retard I am unable to communicate with you on your 4th Grade reading level. Arguing my points with stupid one line emails is nothing, then when I reply to you and you avoid me like the Olsen Twins at a buffet it just shows me how lame you really are.

Of course you can’t understand what I just said so thanks to this website I can communicate to you in your native tongue. Enjoy.

U CAN T3L MA WUT U WANT 2 AND I DONT RILLY CAER!!111 WTF LOL IN FACT IF U CUD CONSTRUCT A SENTANC3 LIEK A NORMAL HUMAN BNG I MIGHT ACTUALY CONSIEDR PUTNG UR R3BUTAL ON MAH SIET1!!! HOW3VER SINCE U R OBVIOUSLY A RETARD IM UNABLE 2 COMUNICAET WIT U ON UR 4TH GRAED R3ADNG L3VEL!11! LOL ARGUNG MAH POINTS WIT STUPID ONA LIEN EMALES IS NOTHNG TH3N WHAN I REPLY 2 U AND U AVOID M3 LIEK DA OLSEN TWINS AT A BUFAT IT JUST SHOWS ME HOW LME U RILLY AER!!!1 OMG WTF LOL

It just dawned on me that we have already hit month seven in our twelve month span of the year 2004. That sucks. I’m not too excited about time flying by this fast, especially when I’m not having that much fun. I haven’t put the air conditioners in the house yet either, and I think there was really only one day I could have used them. I rent a downstairs apartment and it is half underground so therefore I really don’t suffer tremendously when it gets extremely hot out. It isn’t the most comfortable but with the windows closed and the ceiling fans on it’s tolerable. Speaking of which, the heat and humidity is coming soon and apparently for a while. Hopefully it will stay nice and warm through the 17th, which is when I’m going back to the Dells and hitting Noah’s Ark. Mental note: bring sunscreen and apply liberally to my HEAD…

My other hobby when not picking the dead skin off my sun burnt head is working on my page. I currently have 15 documents I am working on for my site. I have them for every section of the site except for the personal & pictures sections. No revealing of topics to be discussed and I probably won’t add any to the site until I have at least five of them done. If I can garner anymore hate mail I might have to put up a feedback section with the wonderful emails I get back from my adoring idiots on AOL.

Today was my day off in case I didn’t rub that in to anyone. Yes, I enjoyed a nice long four day weekend off over the 4th of July holiday weekend, came back to work on Tuesday, then took Wednesday off. Of course now I won’t get another day off until either next Monday or Friday, and either one of those is good for me. Monday would give me a nice break in the middle of my “work week” and Friday would give me yet another long weekend… decisions, decisions. I think tonight I’m going to get off the computer earlier than normal and just relax and watch some meaningless television… you know, CNN.

Ahhh, it’s the 4th of July once again. There is nothing better to do today then eat until you can’t move; drink until you can’t walk; then light highly explosive fireworks and try to get out of the way. Yes, Independence Day. Remember today you are independent; unless you count all of those bill collectors that keep calling you up every two days trying to get their damn money from you. That and those bastards at work seem to think you should keep showing up. If you were independent you wouldn’t have to put up with that shit now would you?

So far into my 4 day weekend I haven’t done much of anything; and it’s been wonderful. Get up when I want to, go to bed when I want to, and not have to be anywhere at any certain time. That’s fucking living. Did I mention that I had a 4 day weekend? Well I do, although it is half over already. Friday I went and saw Spiderman 2. That was a pretty damn good movie I must say. There were really no disappointing parts of the movie that I remember. The only question I really have; which I’ve had since the first movie is this. If he was bitten by a spider and then mutated to get spider like qualities… Why do the webs shoot out of his wrists? Shouldn’t they shoot out of his ass area? In the comic books he made his own web material so it was never a question then, but in the movie he mutated to shoot his own webs. I suppose it would be hard to websling if you were shooting them out of your ass.

My fan club is expanding even more as I speak. I have had my second idiotic email from a person with an AOL address. What does AOL stand for anyway? Assholes On Line? I’ve had two people email me, presumably about my Wal Mart ranting to tell me off. Of course the first was a guy that said “YOU DONT WORK THERE RIGHT? SO IF YOU DONT GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Oooh, good argument there dude. I’ve already responded to that douche bag so I won’t further twist the knife into his ego; but last night I got my second email from one of these degenerates with the AOL address. The second one said “well crack kills as well get off it” Wow, these AOL losers really know how to argue don’t they? I’m assuming that she mistook my email address for the Mary Kate Olsen fan club email address or something. I’m pretty sure that this was another response to my Wal Mart rant on my page. Now I know that you got your free AOL trial disc at Wal Mart because after you bought your herpes cream and pregnancy test you were out of money and couldn’t afford anything else, but that doesn’t mean you have to defend Wal Mart to me.

Hell, I have said it before, I shop there on occasions. Let me point something out to you girl. First off, I highly doubt you are the cats meow, more of something the cat left in the sand. Second, if you feel the need to pick up a cause, maybe choose something a little more happening then defending a multi million dollar company against a guy that pays $50 a year for his little web site. Go into politics or religion or something of that sort, but don’t waste your obvious brainpower on defending Wal Mart against people you think are on crack. You poor disillusioned girl; must be all that LSD you do.