Month: May 2005

I’ve been working away doing the whole school thing lately and have been somewhat ignoring all other aspects of the net. It seems like Flash and Fireworks are consuming most of my time. That is a good thing though, since I’m hoping I will be able to find a job somewhere working on websites.

The weather sure does suck ass lately. I could have sworn that June was less than a week away, but I’ll be damned if we are getting into the 70’s at all. It’s like we hit 70 and then a day later we’re lucky to hit 60. It’s a pain in the ass. Of course I turn the weather on tonight and they are talking about 80’s starting next week. Now most people would say that sucks since it’s Memorial Day weekend coming up and it should be nice for that. However, it is my weekend to work and therefore it can be cold, crappy and rainy all weekend if it wants to. I did manage to get next Friday off, which coincides with my weekend off and gives me a three day weekend a week later. In case you’re not paying attention, that means when I’m off three days, it will be nice and warm. Suck on that everyone that has the holiday weekend off.

Speaking of work, it still sucks. I’m still looking for another job even with the school thing going on. Like I said, my hope is to find a web design job after this, but if that doesn’t work out right away it would be nice to just get the fuck out of there. Hey, maybe I’ll win the 215 million dollar Powerball and I won’t have to work ever again.

Have you ever noticed what a pain in the ass it is to shit at work? No I’m not talking constipation or even hemorrhoids. I’m just talking about the process of having to shit at work.
I don’t know how the women’s bathrooms are set up, although I’m sure they are complete with fountains and couches and golden tampon dispensers. My bathroom however consists of a toilet surrounded by less light weight metal than my fucking bike, a urinal and a sink. That’s all there is in my bathroom at work. Now I attempt to avoid shitting at work whenever possible, but sometimes even I have to make exceptions; like that time I mistook that bottle of magnesium citrate for 7 UP. Ah, who am I kidding, 7 UP will make anyone sick.

I hate having to shit at work. The biggest problem is that in the men’s bathroom if the door gets swung open everyone that is standing outside of it can see in. We don’t have that lovely rat maze of a fucking hallway that you women have. They put that in there so men don’t peer into the women’s bathrooms; what are we all perverts? Anyway, I see the rat maze thing when I’m out and about peering into the lady’s room and wonder why we can’t have that. Nope, we are totally exposed, and in most cases without as much as a fucking lock on the door.

Forgetting the whole people outside the restroom that can see you and not to mention hear you… oh yeah, that’s another thing, if you’re extremely gaseous that day everyone’s going to know. That door may be steel out there, but it sure the hell isn’t soundproof. But let’s just forget about those people standing outside because honestly, if they could smell what the Rock is cooking… well they wouldn’t be standing there now would they? Now let’s get to the poor bastards that make the mistake of actually walking into the bathroom while I’m trying to do my business. Of course when they walk in you stop. You have to stop, even if you’re in mid shit because you can’t have the noise of farts or water splashing going on… then they might think you’re taking a shit. So obviously you have to be extra quiet, which includes no grunting or groaning. You also have to watch the shadows to make sure everyone is clear before you resume doing your dirty deed.

That’s the big disadvantage to taking a shit at work. You’re behind this mini wall, but the bottom 12 inches are totally open. That means that you can’t see who is coming into the bathroom, but those fuckers can see your shoes. That’s the first thing I do when I go into the bathroom to take a piss or wash my hands is check out the shoes of the person in the stall. I need to know who that is so I can avoid having to shake their hand at a later time. Hell, if something that bad smelling came out of your ass and you obviously and hopefully wiped it and I don’t know which hand you use to wipe… well let’s just nod at one another.

So when you’re the one stuck in the stall shitting and those fuckers are out there looking at your shoes, it’s to your disadvantage. That’s why I always bring along a change of shoes. That’s right; I bring a second pair to throw on when I go to the shitter, then after my business is done and I’m sure no one else is in the bathroom I slip my regular ones on and throw the old ones back above the ceiling tiles. You can’t be too careful these days. That way if someone walks in the bathroom while you’re washing your hands you can say… “Who was the guy with the ratty old Adidas shoes on stinking up the place? Well, me and my Nikes are going to get back to work now.” If you don’t take that precaution then you wind up walking around work and someone comes up to you and says “Hey there, nice shoes… you stinky bastard.” You know you can’t be having that now.

Now that Johnnie Cochran has died and gone to wherever it is that your religion says dead people go to, Michael Jackson may be in a bit of a bind. I think if one person could have gotten him off on the charges it would have to be Johnnie. Of course most courts don’t allow zombie defense, so Michael is going to have to take another route.

I think I could get him off. Well, off the charges, not actually get him off. Hell I’m 31 for Christ’s sake, way too old for Michael. Shit, your honor, strike that last statement from the records, the one I said. See, I’m learning this law stuff rather quick. Anyway, the way I see it, Michael didn’t molest any of the boys. Here’s what happened, now listen closely. The one boy that was claiming molestation is a little special. You see, he only has one hand, and on the other hand he only has four fingers. Mr. Jackson was merely trying to play “This Little Piggy” with the boy and simply ran out of piggies. Sure this little piggy went to market and this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none and this… damn, no more fingers. Of course my client found a fifth little piggy to go wee wee wee all the way home. Now some of you may be thinking why not go for the feet, but let’s be honest, if he did that there would be four extra piggies that wouldn’t be part of the story. Another thing, if the little piggy missing goes wee wee wee, what better piggy than the wee wee? He made Thriller dammit! Your honor, the defense rests.

I guess you can tell why I’m going to school for web page design and not for law. If I was Jackson’s lawyer he’d already be in prison. Of course that’s what I’m all ready for is to start learning tomorrow. I’m hoping it stays as a fun thing for me and doesn’t become a pain in the ass. I do enjoy creating web pages so it would be nice to get better at it and eventually get paid to do it.

I think the nice weather may finally be here although I’m not sure because obviously this is Wisconsin. We had snow flurries in May, which I don’t really remember happening in the past and just the other day we had an extremely hard frost. That’s too much shit for me especially when we have a few nice days in the mid 70’s close to 80. Hell, I haven’t even gone golfing yet, not even to a driving range. I did get to go out fishing on one of the days that managed to creep above 65 degrees. Of course now I don’t know how much my school will take up of my time so therefore I don’t know how the golfing and fishing is going to go.

Well, this Wednesday is the start of it all. I am signed up for two online courses. One is for Macromedia Flash MX and the other is for Macromedia Fireworks MX. There is also a course for Dreamweaver MX but I’m pretty sure I’ve got that one under control. Did I mention I bought a copy of Macromdedia Studio MX? Let’s just say that it cost more than my first car did. My first car was a 1978 Chevy Camaro Rally Sport and I paid $850 for it. My big hope is that I can do something positive with this… I think I can.

I added an article to my site that I found in my closet. It was a paper I wrote back in either middle school or high school. I put it on the site because I think it reflects what my writing would become. I am by no means an excellent writer and am not thinking that, but I’m more or less talking about my style. The way this is written is more of a story type than the articles I normally write. Oh, did I mention that I hid it on the site? It’s not a clickable link from any menu in the site, but there is a place to click somewhere in the site to view it. I am thinking of doing more hidden stuff on the site in the future. I’ve got a bunch of drawings that I did back when I was younger that I’d like to put up on the site as well. I actually have an entire notebook filled with stories I wrote back when I was in 9th grade as a required writing. I don’t think they are good whatsoever but I might throw them up on the site just for shits and giggles (hidden of course).

Now the only thing I really have to do on here is get Lisa’s blog to look a little more appealing. Once I get online when she’s online and can chat with her a little bit I think we’ll be able to come up with something.

Why is it that the possibility that some ex contestant screwed Paula Abdul newsworthy? I’m sure there is more important news to be worried about anyway. There is no reason to be reporting stupid shit like this. My thought is maybe there should be a separate channel just for stupid news like this and we could keep all the real news on the news channels. I don’t need ABC or whoever the fuck it was giving us this exclusive news report about some guy claiming he was banging Abdul. Of course she is denying the whole thing. I am reading shit now saying that she should be removed from the show as a judge and a bunch of shit like that. Why not do America a favor and just cancel the show? Just curiously, why is Paula Abdul selected to be a judge of other peoples singing talent? Didn’t she sing a duet with a rapping cartoon cat back in the early 90’s? Oh I think so. So that song and maybe two others were hits. Now you can’t tell me that she is worthy of telling anyone else that they suck… of course she knows what it’s like to suck; apparently in more ways than one.

I’m not a big Star Wars fan, but it’s getting obvious that the new movie is coming out soon. I notice because there is Star Wars crap all over the stores, it’s all over the Pepsi and Frito shit and anywhere else you can image. Life size cut outs of Darth Vader and Chewbacca and things of that nature. I’m sure somewhere there are a bunch of people that are wasting all of their vacation time, or are currently unemployed sitting outside a theater somewhere waiting for this film to open up. I’ve never understood that. Hey, let’s sit outside a theater for a month waiting for this movie to open. I wouldn’t even wait that long to get laid. So we’ve got all this Star Wars shit loitering in our store that I’d chuck down the chute if I had the chance since all it is doing is cluttering up aisles. In case you didn’t notice it already, I’m not a fan of Star Wars. When you say that people look at you funny like you’ve said something bad about God in church. I get the same looks when I tell people I really don’t like the song Hotel California. Yeah, I’ll listen to it if it’s on, but I surely don’t sing along; maybe you have to be high to like the song, I don’t know.

I got to go to the dentist last Friday. Of course of the three days ending today, Friday was the nicest. I left work at 9am and went there and got back to work around 11am. I hadn’t been to the dentist since 1998 if I remember correctly. I’ve only had two dentists that I remember and both of them I completely hated. The first one was the one that I went through braces hell with. He was an asshole among assholes. The second one I went to because I despised the first one so much and this one ended up being something like the Doc in Back to the Future. Extremely spaced out and no time machine. Trust me, if he had a time machine I would have went back in time and cancelled that fucking appointment. So after the second sucky dentist I stopped going. For about the last year I would keep thinking that it might be a good idea to go to the dentist and get the gross shit off my teeth. It wasn’t living on the street bad, but it wasn’t exactly pretty either. So I finally broke down on my day off last week and started calling around to the dentist’s around town and got an appointment two days later. I went in, got the scraping from hell and was told I had no cavities. I was also commended on having great teeth by the dentist. Honestly, on my paperwork I put down it had been a while since I went to the dentist and had they wanted to be crooked they could have lied and told me I had a few cavities and made a quick buck. It’s nice to have found a good dentist finally. I think I’ll back for another cleaning in six months.

Oh yeah, I finally finished the redesign on my main site last night. I think I should be happy with that for at least another month or two. The nice thing about the CSS layout this time is if I decide to change a few things, I can probably update the entire site in about a half hour unlike before when any site redesign took me a fucking eternity. Now to work on that 3rd Bass site.

So this last weekend I was watching the news and they were talking about the missing bride on all the channels. Jennifer Wilbanks decided a couple days before her big wedding in front of over 500 people that she didn’t want to go through with it so she took off. Of course not telling anyone made everyone in her family freak out and start the searching process; wasting precious police resources community service. Well of course Saturday morning when I got up to go to work I flip on the TV and they are saying that she was found down in Albuquerque, saying she was kidnapped. By the time I got home from work Saturday the tune had changed. Now they were saying she made the whole story up. I do love it when my gut feelings are correct. I hadn’t really been following the story from the start, but when I saw the report of her being found Saturday Morning I called bullshit on her abduction story right away. Now for all her fun she might end up facing some legal woes. This should be a warning to all of you crazy kids out there thinking of imitating this type of behavior. If you do all of this and then you’re found and you claim to have been kidnapped and you’re stringing the family along with the nation along… get a hold of Ashton Kutcher. That’s right, no matter what you do wrong, if Ashton comes out at the end, it’s OK. He just runs out and lets you know that your ass got Punk’d and then everyone has a chuckle and you move on. No charges filed or anything. Ah, the beautiful magic blur of television.

As far as my site CSS redesign goes, I think it will start tomorrow night. I don’t know if it will be uploaded, it will depend on how much of the new stuff I polish off and put on the site. I think I have 4 new articles that will be going on the site; all into the humor section. Although I have done most of my text on my sites in the past with CSS, this will be my first CSS layout page I’ve done. So far I can say I really like working with CSS.

Family Guy was awesome last night. The opening part was on point with Peter naming off all of the shows that have come and gone since Family Guy was last on Fox. The Pinocchio part cracked me up. You could probably lie, I wouldn’t even know. Sadly, I think the first episode of Family Guy was funnier than the entire first half of the season of South Park this year. Then again I could just be forgetting the funny stuff from those episodes too. Well since I don’t do church, I now have something to look forward to on Sundays too.

It looks like starting Wednesday we are going to actually have some decent weather. It fucking snowed again today. I can’t believe it is snowing in May still. We are supposed to be having temps in the mid 70’s by the end of the week though. All I can say is we better have nice weather on its way, because I’m sick and tired of this winter bullshit. I would graciously accept temperatures in the 50’s or 60’s this time of year, but when you have to struggle to hit 35… well I think we’re getting Punk’d.

It’s the first day of May; today I had to get up extremely early to go to a job I hate. I had to look outside and watch it snow on the first day of May… the first day of May I say. It’s a great day though isn’t it? Why is it such a great day? Because the new season of Family Guy started tonight. I’ve loved that show since it made its first run on TV back in the late 90’s. Unfortunately in its first run they bounced it around so much I missed a lot of the shows. That’s why I was so glad to find the DVD’s when they came out, and then when the news followed that a resurrection was coming with new episodes and a possible movie, I turned into one of those Star Wars geeks… except it was about Family Guy since I don’t really like Star Wars.

As you can tell, there is a new design in town. It’s a pretty radical change from what I used to have, and it’s a good indication of what the rest of my site is going to look like. I’ve also changed the page title from Blog of a Disgruntled Human to Musings of a Disgruntled Human because… well because I like the sound of it better.

Speaking of things like blogs, I did a new install of Movable type so Lisa could do some blogging. The main reason I set it up for her was so I could constantly harass her to get a new blog up. Payback’s a bitch. Lisa’s Blog is here. That is another sub domain of mine, and I figured since I get 15 subs and I’m really only using one for my blog, one for my 3rd Bass site, one for my 3rd Bass message boards and one for my Cartman site, I might as well use another one. So enjoy the blog Lisa; and oh yeah… post something new already!