I’ve been working in a grocery store for over 10 years now; my current job a little over 8. When you work in places like that the first thing you notice is that there are some stupid ass customers out there. The second thing that you notice is that there are some weird ass products out there as well. Either the product is fucked up or the marketing behind the product is fucked up.
Case in point. I saw this on a Jack’s Naturally Rising Pizza; it’s probably on all frozen pizzas, I just didn’t look. There is a little starburst on them that says “good source of calcium”. What the fuck is so good about it? It’s pizza, it’s definitely not health food we’re talking about here. I like pizza but come on now, let’s get a little serious here. Pizza a good source of calcium? That’s like saying cigarettes are a good source of menthol. Hey, 100 proof liquor; good source of grain. See where I’m going here? If you are eating the pizza I’m sure the farthest thing from your mind is whoa, there’s calcium in here. Pizza, does a body good. Just think, you could eat a whole pizza every night for your calcium supplement and then hope it makes your bones stronger to hold up your new large pizza filled ass.
The second thing I’ve noticed was in my own department. Playtex Beyond. Beyond what? I don’t know much about tampons but I don’t think they can go much more beyond where they go now. This almost sounds like a bad movie sequel to me.
In 2000 Playtex set out to rid the world of ruined pants and heavy flows. After receiving many close calls and being badly beaten Playtex returned to the secret hideout and has underwent many improvements. Today Playtex is stronger, wiser and more absorbent than ever… See Playtex Beyond. Opening in theaters everywhere Friday.
Yeah, so I shouldn’t sit home alone when the power goes out, I know. Yeah, power went out last night after the wonderful holy shit electrical storm we had. Monday and Tuesday it was so damn hot and humid out that you could hardly stand it. Today it is so fucking cold; you can hardly stand it.