It’s over, finally. Turkey day has come and went for another year. I guess you can’t go wrong with Thanksgiving. There is the turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, the occasional dumb ass who burns his garage down with a turkey fryer. As I was searching the Internet for that story I found another Thanksgiving related story about an eating contest. Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, Virginia, devoured massive helpings of yams, green beans, cranberry sauce and turducken, a turkey stuffed with duck, chicken and sausage, to win the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) event. “You need four things” to participate in this sport, said Booker before the contest. “Capacity, strategy, mental toughness and stamina.” Well I’ll be damned, here I always thought I was fat before, but it turns out I was a fucking athlete.
For whatever fucking reason, I woke up at 4am yesterday. As much as I tried I couldn’t fall back asleep for anything, so I stayed up. I saw the Washlet on a commercial, which is a toilet with a heated seat that sprays your ass with water to clean it, and it has a remote control on it. It sounds pretty cool except it costs more than my first car did.
The weatherman had predicted we would get flurries overnight but when I looked outside we had gotten three inches of fucking flurries. It looked light and fluffy but it was snowman/heart attack snow if I ever saw it. I got most of it cleaned up but I had to get the big dog out of the garage to clean the end of the driveway out. As I was coming back up there was a garden hose buried under some of the snow, and yep, you guessed it, the motherfucker wrapped around the auger. After all the fun and excitement it was time to get showered and dressed and get out to the Turkey parties. I was out of the house until 9pm and when I did get home I realized there was no way in hell I wanted to be on the computer, so I went to bed.
Today I had to work, which in case you haven’t learned in the last year and a half, it sucks. I got there at 8, and within the half hour I ended up having to drive to a neighboring store and pick up a couple cases of salmon for an ad. That’s OK, except the closest neighboring store is 50 miles away. I was out of the store from 8:30 until 11 doing that, and I added another 100 miles onto my car. The good thing is I stayed punched in while I did it and I will get reimbursed for mileage, which I believe is at 36 cents a mile. I am glad I wasn’t one of the idiots that were out shopping at Walmart or somewhere like that this morning. I didn’t even drive by Walmart on my way to work today. I said 5 hour sale? Fuck that.