Month: February 2007

Do you remember the glory days of the Big Mac? If you’re 28 or older you probably know the song even. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a sesame seed bun. I had a Big Mac not too long ago. They still taste the same to me, I still like them, but the Big Mac is now much more than a sandwich; it’s a comparison.

Whenever a product comes out they use the Mac to compare themselves to. If a competitor comes out with a new burger that they think is king, then they will compare it to the Big Mac and tell you how much more their version has. Hey, our burger has 20% more beef than the Big Mac and a better sauce too. That’s just great, so if I eat this then I’d be much better off eating your burger right? Wrong, you fuckers forgot the middle bun. It isn’t a Big Mac if you don’t have the middle oddball bun.

The other comparison I always hear now is when the dangers of food are discussed. This has twice the fat of a Big Mac or some bullshit comparison along those lines. Then another comparison will come out telling you how good their product is because it has half the fat of the Big Mac. Where do you get off implying that the Big Mac is full of fat? Sure it has two burgers and three buns and a host of other shit in it, but don’t compare yourself to the good old Big Mac. In fact, I think that McDonald’s should increase the fat of the Mac and make it something to really contend with, and I’ve got a plan right here. McDonald’s is experiencing a decline in sales lately with health conscious Americans so I think maybe they should expand where there is no concern for health… State Fairs. What they can do is bring the Big Mac, and many of their other menu items to the fair. Here’s the good part, you insert a stick into the burger, then you coat it with some sort of coating and you deep fry that fucker. Deep fried McDonald’s food on a stick would make a killing at the fair (in more ways than one).

Hey, the good news going on here, we’re getting a shitload of snow this weekend. When I say good news, I mean bad news because even though I don’t post as often as I used to, the rules still apply; I hate winter and I drive a Mustang, and it hates winter also. Speaking of my Mustang, I have it fixed, actually got it back last Friday the 17th. I had the fender fixed and then I paid out of pocket to have the bumpers replaced so I could have a car that wasn’t all fucked up for a while. Of course now I’m scared to drive it. On the plus side it has less than half the fat of a Big Mac.

So I dropped my Mustang off at the Ford place on Monday to have my lovely problems fixed. I am getting the fender and the front bumper replaced and I’m also going to pay out of pocket for them to replace the back bumper also as long as it’s in there and the paint is all mixed up. I’m not sure how my original quote for the back bumper a few years ago was over $1,000 but now they can add this one in for only $350. Well, whatever the reasoning, I took the deal because it’s the cheapest way I can think of to fix up my car. Did I mention that my loaner car is a 2006 Taurus? That’s what I’m driving, the big willie pimpin’ 4 door Taurus. It’s actually a nice car and all; it just really isn’t my style I guess. Nuff said about that. Onto more pressing matters that are taking the nation by storm…

Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Actually I don’t want to talk about her death because everyone else is doing that. I would just like to pose a question, not just about her but everyone, although famous people to more of an extent. Why is it that when someone dies they suddenly become saints? When she was alive all you would hear about was how she was doing stupid stuff and she was loopy and most likely high or drunk and a slut. Suddenly she dies and everyone that is reporting on her mentions that she led a troubled life. Poor Anna led a troubled life. What the fuck is that all about? Someone dies and it’s time to start treating them nicely? Why don’t we treat the people nice when they are alive and then rip into them when they’re dead? It would make much more sense that way because hey, the fuckers already dead. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me… especially if I’m already dead.

The other part of this is the baby thing. How many men are going to step up and say… yeah, I fucked her. None of these bastards have that baby’s interests in mind, just the fact that that little shit might be worth millions. Maury Povich is probably shaking his head at this. On his show he can’t get any of the men to even claim to be the father, here there’s a bunch of guys lined up trying to claim responsibility. With all of these guys claiming to be the father, I really only see one possible solution and no, it’s not a DNA test. I think the only way that you can solve this ordeal is the good old fashioned American way… with a reality TV show. We could call it Anna Nicole’s Baby Daddy and have every guy that has slept with her in the last year or two and put them on an island in the middle of nowhere.

What else is going on around here? What, you want to know more about my reality show idea? That was it, round them up and drop them all off on a deserted island. No TV cameras or anything, just ridding the states of more rubbish. I could win an Emmy for that.

So I had a blog pretty much planned out last night in my head that I was going to write. There was probably going to be the typical bullshit about how much I hate the groundhog and things of that nature. Of course this year the groundhog didn’t see his shadow and that means an early spring apparently. That is Punxsutawney Phil though that we’re talking about. I don’t know what the Wisconsin groundhog saw, most likely his life flash before his eyes because it was so fucking cold here he most likely froze to death right after emerging from his hole.

Anyway, when I say I was rudely interrupted I’m talking about having my car ran into last night. I have a picture link in my last blog entry if you’d like to see what happens when a pickup truck and a Mustang collide.

What was I rudely interrupted on? Well, I had went out to the local store and bought myself a copy of Microsoft Office 2007. I had Office XP installed on my computer and since I started my new job I’ve been using the 2003 edition which blows the XP version out of the water. So I decided I might as well give myself an upgrade here. I also did not have PowerPoint in my XP suite so I decided that if I was going to upgrade that I would go for the small business version and get me some PowerPoint action going on there too. Yeah I know, exciting life of a student/working person.

So, the groundhog didn’t see his shadow, why do you ask? Because he was too busy breaking my fucking car. I’m too pissed at the moment to write a full blog, so go ahead and check it out yourself.