I’ll Take the Money Instead

I’m not too big into going to fast food places very much; in fact for the most part I try to avoid any food that gets handed to me through a window of the building. I do however like Quiznos and Subway occasionally. I went to Quiznos earlier this week and when I bought my sub they gave me a game card. I thought yeah whatever, I don’t win shit anyway so I took it home. Well, when I looked at it I realized that the prize I could win was a Quiznos franchise. Wow, wouldn’t that be exciting? Congratulations, you’ve just won a lifetime servitude to the food industry… good luck fucker.

Luckily when I looked at the odds and all of that shit I saw that I had the option of taking $157,500 instead of that. That’s good to know, because I really wouldn’t consider a franchise to be a prize, more like a curse. I don’t even know if you win the restaurant or just the rights to use the name to it. It says you win a franchise so you’d probably still have to get a building and most likely the equipment and then you’d have to hire people which isn’t easy because people for the most part are worthless lazy fuckers. Some prize… I say show me the money instead.

Two years ago I mentioned on my site about Barbie dumping her man Ken. I know I wasn’t the one to break the bad news to the world but I still reported it dammit. Anyway, Ken has now decided that he wants to win Barbie back from whatever guy she’s bumping plastic uglies with these days. Mattel has revamped Ken’s whole look (although it looks like those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes got a hold of him). I wonder what Ken’s real intentions are here, because I highly doubt that he loves Barbie. I’m sure the true fantasy romantics out there may think that but I know he just misses all of the cool shit that Barbie has to play with. I think that since he was booted out of the Barbie Playhouse he’s been stuck living in a cardboard box somewhere in a warehouse. Well, maybe if Barbie doesn’t take him back, he can get with Barbie’s new guy friend.

Mattel’s fourth-quarter results January showed an 18 percent decline in Barbie’s U.S. sales. The company said that in addition to “tweaking” the Barbie line this year, more dramatic changes would be made in 2007. Hmm, wonder what “more tweaking” would mean? I know, Barbie’s gonna go lez in 2007 and open a whole new door. There’ll be new carpet munching Barbie and Ken will be booted once again for Barbie’s new lesbian lover Sherry. Hopefully Ken can get him some Barbie action soon, because I think after this year the only box Ken will be coming in will be his own.