Today’s Recipe: Groundhog Stew

Is it just me or is it inevitable that the stupid groundhog is going to see his shadow every year? Do you know why he sees his shadow every year? It’s a goddamn conspiracy from the people that make winter clothing. Winter is such a short season in some parts of the country that they now have to scare you with groundhog voodoo to make you buy their stuff. Hey, it’s not only them that are in this scheme. Other parties involved are the ones selling you vacations to warm spots like those con artists at Disney. Come to think of it, you really can’t trust Hawaii much either. I was reading online about Groundhog Day and it says that Punxsutawney Phil has been making predictions every February 2 since 1886. That tells me one of two things… either groundhogs live a hell of a lot longer than I thought they would or much like your child’s goldfish, he’s been replaced a few times.

The thing that really bothers me about this whole Punxsutawney Phil thing isn’t that the little fucker hasn’t predicted an early spring for 7 years now, but that he has groupies. This story I was reading mentions all the people that come to see him and they even interviewed a woman who had been waiting outside for him since 2 in the morning. Oh, that would be the fucking day I would get up that early in the morning to catch a glimpse of a rodent; especially a fat rodent that is going to stick its head out of a hole and then go right back in. If I wanted to see that I could just go down to the hospital and watch some of the loser teenagers give birth. Oh look, your baby saw its shadow, six more weeks of welfare.

At any rate, six more weeks of winter is fine by me; especially if they are six more weeks of winter like we’ve been having. We got about three inches of snow Tuesday night and the shit’s gone already. I think my best bet would be to win the lottery and then live in Arizona in the winter and up here in the summer… well actually probably in Rapid City in the summer.