Anytime I’m dry on a topic to talk about all I have to do is check out the news. The news never ceases to amaze me because it points out the stupidity of people to me. In the last few days I’ve been reading about this dumb guy who has decided to sue the lame ass reality television show Fear Factor. Actually I wouldn’t think he’s a dumb guy considering he’s a paralegal, but apparently that doesn’t mean anything anyway. So when I first see the story I’m thinking that maybe he got hurt by one of the stunts on the show or got sick from eating something on the show. Well, he did… sort of. From his chair at home watching TV they were eating rats and I guess he couldn’t take it. From what I’ve read he not only puked but his blood pressure went so high that he got lightheaded and banged his little head in the doorway and now wants $2.5 million for that.
Look jackass, I don’t even watch the show and I know that’s not how it works. If you want that much money, then like a street corner prostitute, you’ll have to put out. That’s right buddy, if you want the cash you’ll have to do all kinds of wacky crazy shit. Let’s see, first you’re going to have to lick as many cat’s assholes as you can. Oh and the catch is that all of these cats were fed fajitas from Taco Bell about five hours ago. Next up you’re going to have to attempt to get a blow job from a snapping turtle. Now if you’ve made it this far then you’re going to be in for a real treat. For the third and final stunt you’re going to have to sit down and watch every episode of The Anna Nichole show, especially the ones when she was fat. Did I mention that you will be watching it with Anna herself and she will be pausing it every two minutes to explain it to you. There will be a loaded gun on your left side and if you can make it through every episode with her without blowing either her brains or yours out then you win.
Yeah, so that’s probably why I don’t work for some crappy reality TV series. So anyway, this douche that is suing NBC over this stupidity is claiming that it’s not really about all of the money at all, he’s just trying to send a message. I’m guessing the message is that he needs new batteries in his TV remote… $2.5 million dollar batteries. Of course his greed is surely negated when he tells the news people that he won’t discuss anything unless it’s a paid-interview situation. Well, it’s obvious you’re not going for any money here Skippy.
And then I got some good news/bad news on the news too. The bad news is that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split up. The good news is that Jennifer is single again. I’m sure that I don’t stand any chance of being her new man, but come on now. The poor girl just split from her husband, I’m sure she’s going to be needing rebound sex before she moves on; and I’m more than happy to offer my services. Go ahead Jen, give me a call.