When I woke up this morning it was -15 outside. That’s MINUS FIFTEEN in case you are keeping score. Needless to say it was fucking cold. Anyone that doesn’t live in Wisconsin or Minnesota probably can’t even fathom this kind of temperature. Your freezer is probably set from zero to ten degrees depending, so imagine that…but colder. At 32 degrees water freezes. At 15 degrees you lose feeling in your fingers. At -15 you keep thinking to yourself, I have to get the fuck out of here. Some people say that this weather is for the birds, well that’s bullshit. Even the fucking birds are smart enough to migrate south for the winter. My dumbass is stuck in Wisconsin with snot-cicles hanging from my nose and the fucking Robins are down in Florida on the damn beach.
As long as I’m bitching about the weather I might as well keep it up. Snow… We must have about a foot of snow outside now. Obviously with the wonderful temperatures we’ve been blessed with, there is no chance of melting going on. If anyone was wondering, a 2000 Mustang is probably not the vehicle of choice to drive around in the winter. If you’ve ever been stuck at a stop sign then you probably know what I mean. The car won’t even make it up a damn hill if there is snow on it. Now those Weather Channel fuckers are talking about a possible snowstorm coming in next Tuesday, dumping a possible additional six inches on us. All I know is that if I find that bastard that was wishing for a White Christmas, I’m going to kick his ass.
Ahh, Christmas, now I have something to bitch about. We turned our Christmas Music on at work Tuesday. I know it’s rather late considering that most stores have been blaring that shit since Thanksgiving. I have noticed one thing while listening to this. Number one, there are 14 versions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and 13 of them SUCK. Number two, any Christmas song that has anything to do with Jesus is an instrumental version. Are we afraid we are going to offend someone if we mention Christ? I know Santa kind of took over this mo’ fo’ but the reason everyone celebrates it originated with Jesus. Anyone that knows me can tell you I’m definitely not a religious freak or an avid church goer but this has always been one of the things that pissed me off. If someone is Jewish or Muslim or whatever other religions there are out there that might be offended by a song about Jesus, I’m sure Santa isn’t too high on their list either. Chanukah and Kwanza don’t offend me. Of course I don’t believe anyone ever came up with catchy tunes to celebrate their holidays anyway, aside from Adam Sandler that is.