This week is going by entirely too slow. That’s it, time to complain to someone. I have a slight headache tonight, possibly from the fucking cold ass temperatures we’ve been suffering through. Then again maybe I’m coming down with something. I probably have a slight case of sickofworkitis coming on. Tomorrow I get to set up Valentines. You guessed it, more singing gorillas and hamsters. How the fuck did they become affiliated with a holiday of love. Look honey, I bought you a singing rodent… assume the position.
Have you ever seen something on the news and said to yourself, what in the fuck? There is a company out there that is making artificial testicles to implant in your dog if you’ve had him neutered. Do you really think your dog wants the vet down there with a knife again? All he’s going to do is end up pissing on them. What if he meets a cute female dog and finds out the hard way that much like a Christmas Tree, his balls are just for decoration. This isn’t an ego booster, it’s an ego killer. The thing that kills me is that if you go to the website and look, they actually have a patent on this. I would have loved to be working in the patent office that day when the guy showed up and pitched this idea. “Yeah, I’m going to sell those cheap super balls out of grocery store lobbies to pet owners for $70 a pair and they can have them sewn into their animals crotch. I’m going to be rich.” According to a news story, they’ve already sold 100,000. Launching your own business like that is risky these days, it takes a lot of balls.
Another interesting thing I found was about the poor guy that is going to federal prison for 15 months because he would buy donuts at a bakery, then repackage them and sell them to health stores claiming they were diet. That is too fucking funny to even get into, but you know I will. Robert Ligon, 68, begins a 15-month jail sentence today for claiming, fraudulently, that his “carob-coated” doughnut contained only three grams of fat and 135 calories. In fact, the chocolate-glazed treat contained a belt-busting 18 grams of fat and 530 calories. Between 1995 and 1997, Ligon bought normal, high-fat rolls and pastries from wholesalers, re-labelled them as low-fat and sold them to American health-food retailers under the name of Nutrisource Inc. I’ve been on several diets in my life, and I know how shitty anything that is low fat tastes. How the hell could these people not know that these were high in fat? I wonder if anyone gained weight because of this. I also wonder why I didn’t think of this shit? I could have been a millionaire by now. First my fake dog ball business is stolen from me, and now my donut scam is out the window too. Fuck. Guess I’ll have to go the reality TV show route.