I have been waiting for this show to debut since I heard about it. In case you’re not hip to what’s going on in television world, this show is about what is going on in the grocery store. Well, it just happens that I spent 16 years of my life working in a grocery store and just watching this is probably going to bring back some memories.

I caught the pilot episode of ’10 Items or Less’ tonight on TBS. I made sure to record it with my DVD-R so I can watch it again tomorrow. I thought the pilot was a very good show and it introduced the characters so you pretty much know everything you need to know about them. The feel of the show gives you the impression that they are working in a grocery store, although it is a small one. Of course if I was making the show there would be many more run ins with customers and I’d be showing everyone how much the customers suck and all of that.

I knew it would have to happen sooner or later; my four day weekend came to an abrupt ending on Monday morning as I was forced to get my ass out of bed and go to work. Luckily, I was going to work at my current job and not at the grocery store. Even though I don’t dislike my job, it still is very hard to go back after being off for four days in a row. But now that it is Tuesday I’m back in the swing of things I guess. Hey, only three more days until the weekend shows up again.

Some of the good news is that I have some of my Christmas shopping done already. I also got myself a couple things too (who didn’t see that happening?) I did venture out on Friday morning to Office Max to get a few things. The only reason I went there is because no one else was. Most of the general public were up at Wal Mart or Menards and were far too busy to interrupt me filling my electronics needs at the ever so empty Office Max store. I got my new 2 GB jump drive and a 2GB SD card. The jump drive I had before held a whopping 64MB so this was a most needed upgrade. My current SD cards for my MP3 player and camera were 256MB and 128MB, so once again, a needed upgrade. Now that I’m done shopping for myself, I suppose I should think of others… ah fuck ‘em.

I only know this because I’m going to be off for four days after tomorrow. Hell, I even get paid for Thursday and Friday. This is probably the first Friday after Thanksgiving that I’ve had off in the past 11 years which is pretty cool. Like I mentioned, there is no way in hell I’m going to be out shopping and fighting on Friday morning for whatever bullshit the stores are trying to sell at a cheap price. For one, I don’t even see anything that I want or need in the papers and for two, I’m not that fucking retarded. In fact I’m finally adjusting to not dealing with suck ass customers, it would be like a relapse if I wound up in a store at 5am full of annoyed hung over women trying to get their hands on the hottest toys and electronics. In fact I think it would be more awkward than that time I saw Michael Richards perform at the Apollo.

I’m excited because I’m almost done with my class in school and then I’ll have a month off without any homework and I will hopefully be able to play catch up with everything else pressing going on in my life. What those pressing matters are I’m not sure, but every time I decide to do homework, my mind thinks up about 5,000 other things I could be doing; I have the neatest sock drawer this side of the Mississippi. I’m still trying to decide if I should buy myself something nice or not. Ever since the TV fiasco I’m almost thinking I shouldn’t get anything because it feels like it will break or not be as cool as I thought it would be. I do have what I want pretty much narrowed down to three things though. A new digital camera, an MP3 player (I have one, but I mean a big one like the new 80GB IPod), or a PS2. That isn’t a typo, I said PS2 because I’m sure PS3 isn’t readily available anymore and there is no way in hell I’d shell out $600 for a fucking gaming system. I’m having hard time accepting $129 for a PS2. Who knows, maybe I’ll just save the money and when I get my taxes back I’ll get a new TV from somewhere else besides ShitNBC. Then again, I’ll probably just put it all in savings.

Let’s see, the last time I graced this blog with my presence was when I was bitching about all of the stupid political ads going on. Since then I’ve been enjoying listening to the radio without all of the stupid ads going on, except for the fact that I had to hear the “30 Point Buck” and “Second Week of Deer Camp” more than once this week already. Why is that you wonder, well that’s because deer hunting season begins this coming Saturday so everyone calls into the radio stations and requests that song. Well, soon it will be over much like the elections. Hey, I went up to the school and took care of a few of my tests which does make me feel a little bit better about the whole school thing.

There’s really not a whole lot of anything else going on except that I just realized that we are only a week away from thanksgiving which is pretty weird. It’s not weird that we are only that far away, it’s just weird because for the first time in a long time I haven’t had the holiday shoved down my throat by having to try and sell stupid shit like foil turkey pans and lacers and all of that. I think I might actually enjoy the holidays this year since I’m no longer slaving away to retail. Of course if I want to make myself hate retail again all I have to do is go shopping on Black Friday because guess what, I’m off with pay that day… oh that’s right retail people… suck my balls. But seriously, no fucking way I’m going near a store the day after Thanksgiving.

I absolutely cannot wait until Wednesday morning because then I won’t have to hear any political ads on the radio for a while. I guess listening to piped in music at the grocery store sheltered me from broadcast radio where the political ad to song ratio is something like five to one. I wouldn’t mind political ads if they said something I really gave a shit about. Whatever happened to the ability to express your positive side? I would love to hear more politicians telling me their track record and what they want to do instead of telling me stupid shit about their opponents. I remember being in grade school and the mentality back then was that if you could make the other kid look bad then you would look good, or at least better. Now that was in first grade, but these politicians are a lot older, some even educated supposedly and all they can talk about are the wrongdoings of everyone else. I’m pretty sure I won’t even vote this year because even though it’s not even November 7th yet, I’m wore out.

I’m totally surprised that I haven’t heard any of them come out and say something like… my opponent supports euthanization at the animal shelter; if you vote for my opponent, you’re a puppy killer. Between the radio ads and the dumb ass dildos that plaster their front lawns with signs I am just hoping I can make it to Wednesday without snapping.

What other fun and exciting things are going on around here? Hey, Fed Ex showed up the other day to pick up my television that I sent back already. Apparently the first time when I called the manufacturer and they said they’d take it back, they weren’t kidding. Unfortunately for the Fed Ex people and the douche bags at the company, I’ve already sent it back. When I called the company that I bought the TV from (not the ones that built it) and told them I was just going to flat out return it I asked if I could have my billing pushed back so that instead of getting a credit card bill I would instead just have it pushed back and then my account would be credited before I was billed. Did I make that sound complicated, because apparently according to them it is? Oh I should clarify here, “them” is ShopNBC and I wouldn’t buy a TV from them ever again. Anyway, I called for my return and asked to stop this billing on October 8th. I was told by them that there would be no problem with that and they would stop my billing before it was sent to the credit card company and that way everything would be sorted out… except that the fuckers billed me on September 27th. Luckily for me I used my Capital One and when you call them and tell them that you returned something and are being charged, they don’t fuck around. They said not to pay them the money and they were billing back ShopNBC the entire amount and would put it in as a dispute. I was like… fuck yeah, show them bastards. The only other thing going on with me is school work, and lots of it. That is my main focus right now and once all of this TV mess is behind me, I might check into buying a different type, not from ShitNBC though.

Hey, it’s Halloween tonight and you know what that means… it means turn out the lights and eat the candy yourself because let’s face it, you paid for it. I watched the South Park Halloween special last week where Satan had a party and apparently everyone is in this big uproar because they showed Steve Irwin with a stingray sticking out of his chest. Now it wasn’t the fact that they actually showed him that outraged everybody, it was the fact that it was so soon after he died.

I found this out by reading various message boards where people were absolutely appalled that they would show Steve like this less than two months after it happened. The sad part was the only argument that was really made was that it was too soon after his death and they shouldn’t have made fun of him like that. I mean my god, the guy just died on September 4th of this year. I’m sure if he had died oh say, March 9, 1997 then he could have been in the show and nobody would have been upset. If it’s not right to show Irwin for less than a minute then you probably shouldn’t have the kids standing in front of a mirror saying Biggie Smalls three times in a row waiting for a murdered rapper to appear. Of course B.I.G. has been dead for over 9 years, so there’s apparently more humor in that.

Yes I have returned to grace you with yet another post about absolutely nothing you really give a shit about. I’m able to talk about nothing for two reasons, number one being that this is my blog, I own and pay for this web space and this domain name so I can say whatever I want (as long as I’m not retarded like the grocery boy in Milwaukee and make threats and get my ass incarcerated… which just goes to show you, when you work in a grocery store you’ll do anything to get away from the damn customers.) The second reason I can write anything is because today is my birthday.

That’s right it’s my birthday and you didn’t buy me anything did you. Shame on you, better start making excuses right now and maybe on the 8th day I’ll forgive you… maybe.

Let’s see, it’s been a week, something must have happened since the last time I posted a blog. Oh yeah, UPS pissed me off. The whole television saga that I’m having so much fun with is continuing and last Wednesday I got to ship my TV back to the fuckers I bought it from. Let me say that again… I got to ship it back. You might think if you sold someone some shitty equipment that you might just issue them a prepaid return label but no… I got to shell out $120 to ship a TV back. I was told that I could fax in my receipt and they would reimburse me, but we’ll just see if that happens or not. But Dave, why are you pissed at UPS? Well, let me get to that part… I get my cousin to come over with a pickup truck because you can’t fit a 42” broke ass TV into a Mustang no matter how hard you try. We load up the TV and haul it to UPS and I go inside and ask if I can get the cart to haul it in and the lady says sure then spazzes out and says, wait, I have to come out and measure it, because it may be too big for us to ship. Well she comes out and works her magic with her 10 year old tape measure and 2nd grade math skills and tells me that the package is too large and UPS won’t ship it. I kindly point out the “over 70 pound” UPS stickers all over the package and the shipping label that sent the TV my way in the first place which somehow was delivered by: you guessed it… UPS. Luckily for me there was someone else she asked and when I pointed out the labels of their company already on my box he said it was too large but they would make an exception and ship it for me. Well hot damn, my lucky day, to spend another 100 some dollars that is. So if you wonder why it took so long for me to blog about that, I think I had the word ‘fuck’ in there about 20000 times and decided to thin it out a little and mention it when I had my bearings back.

Tonight is the 3rd Annual Hip Hop Honors show and I will most definitely be watching that. I can’t say I still have the same passion for rap music that I did back in the late 80’s and early 90’s, but old school is still some of my favorite shit to listen to, and of course that’s who will be honored. I know I watched last year but I don’t remember a lot of it, although I do remember two years ago for the first when Run DMC were honored and the Beastie Boys with some help from Doug E. Fresh performed Sucker MC’s live… now that was the shit right there.

So anyway, I’m sitting at work today listening to country music, because that’s what we listen to on Tuesday’s now… yeah, listen to country during the day and listen to rap at night, I must be multi-cultured. There’s one thing that I’ve noticed about rap music that doesn’t really pertain to other types of music, the whole “keepin’ it real” part. I remember when gangster rap was at its pinnacle in the early 90’s and everyone was saying, well he just says that shit on records, he’s no gangster, he’s not keepin’ it real. So today as my twisted mind often does, I’m listening to some of these country songs and I’m wondering why no one is checking these assholes since they aren’t keepin’ it real. Nobody ever says, hey you never had a woman leave you and take you for everything you’re worth. You never attacked your ex’s car with a baseball bat, you don’t have a new girlfriend, you don’t get down on the farm. You see what I’m saying here? You have to keep it real when you’re on the microphone, and that means you people in Nashville too.

You probably see my lack of blogging and think that I’m off enjoying watching my vast DVD collection on my new 42” LCD television. Well in reality I haven’t even watched one movie on it and I won’t be either. See I got this TV on Friday September 29th and that was the day I ended up working over 13 hours so I didn’t even hook it up when I got home that night. Instead even though I worked on Saturday I hooked it up on the 30th when I got home. I really liked the picture even though I didn’t have HDTV service; it still looked good on the screen with my crappy normal cable TV. I watched this TV every night for about an hour or two like I normally would watch any television. I watched it Saturday night at midnight because they were showing the Pamela Anderson roast uncensored on Comedy Central so I figured I’d catch that as long as I was up. Sunday I was out of the house all day and when I got back home my cousin wanted to see how good the picture was on my TV and I figured I’d throw in a DVD and show him how nice it looked (had I mentioned how nice it looked yet?) So I stick in a DVD into the DVD player, because where else you gonna put a DVD, the toaster? Then I turn on my flat panel LCD television, you know, the one I’ve only had for the past eight days. Anyway, I turn it on and it comes on… then it turns off, then it comes on again, and then turns off again and keeps doing this shit until I have to unplug it. Well I believe my blood pressure shot up a few notches at that point when I started looking at my expensive non working decoration I suddenly had. I called the tech support because I was informed that they were extremely helpful which apparently translates to “able to read simple things off a page in broken English”. After talking to Apu for a few minutes and thinking I understood what he was saying I got the gist that I was supposed to unplug the TV for 10 to 20 minutes and it would reset itself and I could go on watching my shows. Cool, sounded good to me, I did just that and actually gave it a half an hour to settle its sorry ass down. I mean I left it off for 12 hours already; apparently turning it off for another few would just fix it right up. Well, it didn’t, and I was even more pissed off. I called my technical supporters back for the second time and went through the same bullshit with them again of telling them what was wrong and that I tried to reset it and that didn’t work and then I was told they were sorry, I must have been sold a defective set.

Well that is wonderful fucking news right there. In their defense he was very apologetic and gave me an RA number that they would be paying for the shipping to take it back and then send me a new one in place of it once they got the old one back. I agreed to that and took the RA number down and just tried to chill out a little bit. Of course the next day was Monday and I got to sit at work all day and stew. It was then that I decided that instead of sending it back to the manufacturer for repair or replacement I was going to send it back to the place I bought it from and just get my money back and I’ll buy a TV from a retailer next time. So Monday night I get home and I call up the place I bought it from and I tell them my problems and they offer me a refund and will be sending me all of the RA stuff to send it back. i won’t buy another TV from these people or the manufacturer again because I think Monica Lewinsky said it best when she said… the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

Inventory is finally over. From what I’ve been told it has been a much smoother process than in years past. I have no idea because this is my first time doing inventory here. I have done inventory for over 10 years in retail but this was a much different beast. The best part of it was that unlike retail we didn’t have the inventory crew coming in counting. If you work in retail you know the “crew”. These are the people that look like they are ex carnies and Mc Donald’s third shift wasn’t hiring. Luckily here our own people counted and then as accounting folk we put the numbers into the computer. Did I mention the overtime involved with this? In the past two weeks I have gotten over 25 hours of overtime which is pretty sweet. Friday I pulled a 5am to 6:15pm shift without a lunch which was pretty long for a day of work, but I will be singing the praises when I get my pay stub.

Well I’ve noticed that I haven’t blogged much this month either, although I did blog more than I did in August. I’ve been looking into reasons to blame this on and I seriously think that since I no longer work in retail that I don’t have much to say anymore. I used to be on here bitching about customers and my job like Al Bundy bitches about fat women in his shoe store. I seriously didn’t realize that Halloween was so close until I was in the store and saw all the shit for sale. I thought, damn, here it is almost October and I am just seeing Halloween stuff for the first time. Speaking of my blog, I’ve been looking into what I could do to increase my posts and I think I’m going to have to bring back the short post. I went through a bunch of my old blogs and I use to make short posts and a little more frequently so I think I will attempt to do that. I don’t know when I got the idea in my head that I needed to make my posts huge but that was kind of dumb. One more idea I’ve gotten is that since I don’t work retail anymore I haven’t had any good customer sucks stuff and I am going to do a compilation of all my greatest complaints about customers from my blog. As I was going through some of the past stuff I realized that I bitched a lot about customers almost everyday so I will compile that info and release it unto the world soon.

Well in a greatly planned out moment involving a lapse of common sense, I decided to buy my LCD television. It is an HDTV, widescreen and it is 42”. I’m just waiting for the damn thing to ship now so that I can vegetate my ass in front of it instead of my computer screen for hours at a time. Of course I don’t vegetate in front of my computer much and now it will probably be even less. From what I’ve seen in the stores they look pretty sweet and the price was right. I’m sure there is a better crisper technology out there but I don’t care, I wanted flat and I didn’t want plasma, so this is where I wound up. Anyway, there must be some other shit going on…

You know what bugs me? Those fucking Helio commercials or whatever they are. It’s mostly the tag line…. “Don’t call it a phone”. Well let’s see here, do you talk to people on it? Do you punch in somewhere between seven and ten numbers and then someone on the other end picks up and you have a conversation? If that was a yes, then guess what Helio… you’re a fucking phone!! And don’t give me that bullshit that it has MySpace mobile and shit… like that is something to fucking brag about. Wow, now I don’t have to be home in front of the computer to be a loser, I can take my new Helio with and be a loser on the go. Oh yeah, and it also plays videos and games and streaming shit online and all other kinds of things that your kids really need to give them that edge in school. And you thought your child had bad grades before, shit they will be borderline retarded after taking their Helio Phone to school with them.

I started new classes now, well only one class but it is somewhat tough so I’m thinking of it as more than one. Combine that with inventory getting ready to kick into high gear at work and me getting a new TV and you’ll know why I haven’t bothered to update the look on my website lately. Shit, I have a tough enough time bothering to post something on here let alone redesign the damn thing. I just wish I had an idea of what I wanted it to look like; I haven’t even made a decision on colors yet. The only major thing I was thinking of doing was integrating the guestbook into the actual page so it wasn’t a separate page. I think since I’m taking classes at the local college, I’ve turned into one of those slacker college types… oh shit, speaking of, I better go, I have to update my Myspace mobile on my new Helio.

When did that happen? The last thing I knew it was still August and it was still hot and humid and now it’s so cold my balls are taking refuge somewhere near my large intestine. I just realized that I blogged all of once in August which might not be extremely rare for me but is somewhat. Work has been keeping me rather busy lately. We are coming up on our fiscal year end soon and I guess that is going to be rather hectic. We will be having inventory in two weeks and although I’m familiar with inventory in a retail setting, I have a big feeling this is going to be rather different. I’m just hoping I survive it all. Hey, it’s Friday night and I surely don’t want to talk about work anymore. I’d rather think about having the weekend off and shit. I put in some overtime the past week and have been asked to put in more in the upcoming weeks so that means a little more money coming my way. Speaking of money coming my way, I probably never mentioned that I was fully reimbursed for my schooling I took. I did get all A’s by the way in case you give a rats ass, because I am that good. Although it was my money originally it was really nice to get a $700 check. It’s kind of like getting your tax refund, sure it’s your money in the first place but it feels really good to get it back at the end.

Speaking of getting money and all of that shit, I’m trying to decide if I want to upgrade my television. Right now I’ve got a 36” Toshiba television. It’s a tube television with a 4×3 ratio which I think means it was created right after the dinosaurs became extinct, if not before. Anyway I’ve been looking into getting an LCD television in the near future. I’ve been looking into many different possibilities like Plasma and Projection and LCD and I know my next TV will be thin and light weight. My current TV is so heavy I need to invite people over from Gold’s Gym just to move the fucking thing so a TV that only weighs somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 to 70 pounds would be great. Did I mention the dimensions on it too? It would only be about 10 inches deep and even less if I mounted it to the wall which I don’t plan on doing yet, especially since I don’t own a flat TV yet. The only problem I’m having with all of this is getting myself to spend the money to buy it. It’s not like I don’t have the money, I could buy one tomorrow and pay cash for it if I wanted to, but for some reason I almost feel guilty about it. I’m looking at around $1,300 if I get the 37” widescreen. In the past I’ve spent triple that on a single computer so I don’t know what the problem is. I’ve bought dumber shit in the past; at least I could get some enjoyment out of this. I remember buying 4MB of memory for my computer years ago and paying about $400 for it, and that worked for oh, 6 months before I realized my computer was outdated beyond belief. Anyway, all I do is shop around for this TV that I will probably never buy mostly because I’m afraid that it will drop in price right after I buy it. Technology always seems to do that to me. I will most likely do what I always do and ponder it for a long time and then just up and buy it on a whim. Maybe I’ll buy it for myself for Christmas… fuck the starving children.

Well, I think I just wrote a bunch of shit about absolutely nothing so I don’t have much more to say… well I do have one more thing to say: Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!

Busy, that’s where. Sure there has been the whole working thing, that’s enough to keep you busy. Did you know they expect you to spend five days a week there, and like eight hours a day? Someone needs to inform these people that there are only 7 days in a week. I wouldn’t mind working half of it, but 5 our of 7, that’s too damn much. Anyway, that is the bulk of what has been occupying my time, unfortunately. Last week alone I put in about 10 hours of overtime, which kind of sucks while doing it, but sure is nice when that paycheck comes. Well, I shouldn’t say paycheck, when that direct deposit comes, because I don’t get a check anymore, just a piece of paper reminiscent of a check that tells me what I made and says don’t cash, your money has been deposited into your account.

What else have I been doing in my limited spare time aside from ignoring the internet world like the plague? I guess I’ve been watching a little more television than usual. In fact I’m now convinced that I need to purchase a Tempur-Pedic bed. Not because I need a better nights sleep, but because I like to jump up and down in my bed and I’m far too lazy to put my glass of red wine on the nightstand.

I also have realized that if I can’t sleep, I’m not going to take that sleep aid Rozerem. Have you seen that commercial? They guy is dreaming or something and in his dream are an astronaut, Abe Lincoln and a groundhog. Why the hell would I take your drugs if all they are going to make me dream about are talking rodents and dead presidents? If I’m going to take a sleep aid, I’m going to take some of that Girls Gone Wild sleep aid and dream about naked chicks floating around a fake space shuttle.

I learned that Mr. Hankey has a new job pimping brownies for Domino’s Pizza. If that’s not a cubed Mr. Hankey then I don’t know what it is. It’s brown and it makes everything it touches brown and it brings a smile to a child’s face… it has to be him. By the way, I didn’t think anything could be grosser than Domino’s Pizza, until I saw that nasty brownie.

I also told Tom Cruise that he didn’t need Paramount anymore, although I was just joking at the time. Oops, oh well. I was also partying hard with Lindsay Lohan and she was a little late getting to her movie a few times. Don’t even ask about the conversation I had with Mel.