I can’t believe George Carlin’s been dead for over a year already. Is it just me or is time flying by quicker and quicker every day? I’m not one of these super fans that get horribly upset and distraught when some celebrity dies, but I do miss listening to him bitch. Of course through the cassettes, mp3’s and DVD’s I have, I can still listen to him bitch whenever I want.

I sort of grew up listening to George. My dad had a tape of him he listened to in the car, because back then George only swore in certain parts so the whole act wasn’t so risqué. To date myself here, I’ll mention that the tape was an 8 track tape. After my dad died in ’85, I didn’t hear George again for 3 years when “What am I Doing in New Jersey” was released and I watched it on HBO. I loved that special, it was and still is one of my favorites I had ever heard, which made me go back and rent a lot of his back catalog. I remember that was my freshman/sophomore year in high school and I memorized the “Jersey” special word for word from watching it so much. I went out and bought his entire back catalog on cassette tapes and listened to them in my walkman. To make myself not look like such a technological dinosaur I will mention that now I listen to the mp3’s on my IPod. I also have every special on DVD. These are the DVD’s that were released a while ago in two sets and I purchased the remaining DVD’s separately. I didn’t repurchase the ones released after last June to capitalize on his death. One because I hate when someone famous dies and suddenly everything they’ve ever done is now available for you to purchase, or repurchase as it is; and two because I’m a cheap asshole. To date, George is the only stand up comedian that I’ve ever seen live.

Anyway, I have one question to pose here… George died on June 22, 2008, Ed McMahon died on June 23, 2009. Do you think Ed ever thought last year after George died that he only had a year and a day left in him? These are the things I think of when I’m home alone and the power goes out…

So tonight, I’m surfing the web because it’s Saturday and I’m surely not going to work hard on a Saturday, and I happen to go to CNN’s website, and this is the breaking news.

Are you fucking kidding me?

That is not breaking news; that is entertainment news at best. Am I mistaken or isn’t there some new nuclear crisis going on with North Korea. Aren’t we still engaged in combat with Iraq and Afghanistan? What happened to the swine flu? Holy shit, less than two months ago we were all going to die from it, then suddenly it was like, oh, never mind.

Are you fucking kidding me, I’d rather hear more about that than entertainment shit. Besides, now that a few people are dying from the swine flu in America nobody even gives a damn. By the way, speaking of swine flu, I just want to mention that my state of Wisconsin is now number one in cases. Take that you other 49 states. We’re number one.

Somehow, I got on a tangent there, probably because that kid from grade school didn’t sell me any Ritalin this week. Anyway, back to my original bitching… Someone winning or not winning a stupid reality TV show, whether in America or overseas is not news. It’s entertainment.

Jon and Kate having marital problems isn’t news either. In fact, anyone whether taking fertility drugs or not popping litters of children from their overstretched vaginas isn’t news and really, why the fuck is it entertainment? How many TLC or Discovery shows are there with people with way too many mouths to feed? I’d rather see some show with a couple without kids that go around and help out with homeless and sick kids. At least there may be some substance to a show like that… but of course that might make people think and have feelings and we can’t have that. Seriously though, if I gave two shits about those stories, I would pay attention and check on TV shows that are made for news. There’s Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, Insider, and those bloodsucking leaches over at TMZ. Hot shit, there is even an Entertainment Network called E!. Maybe they should be the ones that report this shit instead of CNN. I don’t turn on E! and expect them to report on the war.

Some may wonder why I let shit like this get under my skin and I tell them, because this is the shit that is rotting America’s brain slowly. It’s nothing more than something to distract you from all the bullshit going on around you.

To quote the late great George Carlin (who has been gone almost a year already) “I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”

That’s right; my Adobe CS3 Master Collection is what pissed me off this time around. This bullshit started last Sunday night while I was playing around with my Flash program trying to learn some of the ins and outs of how it works since although I’ve had it for some time, I rarely used it. Anyway, on Sunday night or maybe even Monday night last week (it’s all a hazy blur) I went to open my Flash program to pick up where I left off and instead of starting up like it normally does, I get an error message. Not a nice error message like “oh we can’t start now, restart your computer and everything will work again”. No, I got this message: Licensing for this product has stopped working.

Now what in the fuck was that all about? What happened to Flash, so then I open up Dreamweaver to the same message, same goes for Photoshop and Fireworks and… well you get the idea here. Well I immediately go to my best friend Google and ask it a very simple question; What the Fuck? I get many replies and realized that this is a problem that has existed in some form since back in 2006 or so. I find this interesting Adobe Knowledge Base Article named the following:

Error “Licensing for this product has stopped working” when you start any Adobe Creative Suite 3 application”

Hey, that sounds just like my problem there, so what should I do? I know, I’ll follow their suggestions and get my Adobe up and running like a pro again right?? Wrong.
The first thing it said was that my licensing service was probably in need of an update and I should download this update and get it up to speed. No problem there, I did all that and guess what… nothing. Then I did the part where I make sure my Flex Net is set to manual and is started in my services. That’s already on. Next there were some permissions I was supposed to set on a couple different folders, which I did. Once again, not a thing.

By now it’s been almost a week and do you know what I’m feeling… major fucking hatred towards Adobe or Macrovision or whoever’s problem this is and since I don’t know if it’s the product or the licensing company I’m pissed off at both of them.

My last ditch effort offered to me by Adobe’s suggestions is to do a complete uninstall of pretty much everything Adobe on my PC and to run a CS3 Cleaner through the computer to deep clean everything out. Well there goes my fucking holiday weekend right there. There’s nothing more I like to do on a three day weekend than to fix something that shouldn’t have fucking broke in the first place.

Luckily before I get to the point of actually uninstalling all this shit I find an awesome article about how someone fixed this on a Mac. Now I don’t have a Mac, but the solution sounded like something that would work on a PC (so fuck you Justin Long) too. All I had to do was insert my original installation DVD’s and when it comes time to install, instead of running a total install, I unselect all items and then the only thing that gets installed are the shared components. Well, once that was completed I pulled the disc out of the computer and went and clicked on my Fireworks logo anticipating another failure. Well much to my excitement I got a box pop up asking me for my serial number. I entered that, then activated the product again and I’m up and running again…. 7 fucking days after this shit started. Let’s hope I never have to go through that shit again, but at least if I do, my expectations for Adobe are no longer as high as they were before, so I won’t be nearly as disappointed. Did they hire ex Microsoft developers or something?

What else is going on around here? The weather is starting to get really nice again so hopefully that will last a little longer than the last time. Last time it lasted about three days and then it went back to cold and utter shit. In fact last Saturday we actually had snow. It wasn’t a lot of snow but it was enough to slap you in the face and make you realize that you weren’t going to be wearing shorts on that day.

Well shit, I better get back to working with my Adobe products before the whole thing goes to shit again.

It’s been a little while, and I couldn’t let May slip by without my mandatory monthly blog. What would everyone do if I just totally missed a month? Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything to bitch about today. I’m somewhat in the “create new website design” mode again. I am playing around with my Adobe Creative Suite.

I ended up buying a 22” flat panel monitor last weekend online from Dell. If you’ve read my blogs in the past, you probably remember that about a year ago I bought a Dell computer and it had a 22” widescreen monitor. Just so you know, the monitor didn’t burn out on me or anything like that, in fact it seems to be working just fine. I just decided that one just wasn’t enough. Now I have dual monitors on my computer so I can hopefully get into my graphic design even more. I’ve attached a picture… and yes, it’s a lot of screen to look at, but so far, I love it.

Let’s hope something will piss me off in the near future so I can do another entry this month.

Ok, maybe the food itself doesn’t piss me off, but the stupid ass commercials do. Sometimes they are catchy tunes that stick in your head and even though you don’t want the damn food, you can’t help but sing the song. Case in point; that stupid Billy Bass reject filet o fish song from McDonald’s. That’s right, I know that song and sometimes when the voices in my head stop talking, I hear it. I tell you though; the commercials that really irritate me are the Pizza Hut ones. They started this bullshit campaign when they started introducing their new pastas. All of the sudden it’s like,”we told this room full of people that they were eating some decent food, little do they know that this shit came from Pizza Hut”

I can see that when you’re introducing a new line of shit, so I’ll almost let them slide, but seriously, what the hell is up with the stuffed crust commercial? They give these dumbasses a stuffed crust pizza and then the friend says, oh the pizza guy made a mistake and wants the pizza back and they go batshit (well the Kenny Loggins looking motherfucker does anyway) and won’t give it back. Let me say this. I like pizza, maybe even love it, but what is so great about stuffed crust pizza anyway? Hey, you know that shit that’s all over the top of your pizza, well we put some in the crust too because we want you to have a heart attack tonight. Second, even if the pizza guy fucks up, do you think he’s going to come back and tell you and ask for your half chewed up pizza back? Shit no, he’s going to go to the next house and give them the wrong shit too because that’s what people do when they work with the public. Everyone gets pizza, the people that got fucked up orders get some coupons for free shit and the world spins another day.

Who the hell took over Pizza Hut’s ad campaigns for this shit, Ashton Kutcher? Do I eat some Tuscani pasta and then Ashton runs out and goes… you just got Punk’d, that shit was from Pizza Hut. Up yours grandma fucker.

What else is pissing me off? How about Facebook. You can put any stupid social networking site in place of that name, it really doesn’t matter. I bitched about MySpace before back when I set up an account because I thought it was stupid, which I still do. However, when it comes down to Facebook vs. MySpace, there is no comparison in the annoyance factor there. Do you know how much I am pestered by people on MySpace? Never. Sure there is the oddball friend request here and there mostly from bands you never heard of, but fuck it, it’s just MySpace and who really gives a shit. All I need to do is press a button and you’re approved or denied.

Facebook on the other hand lets people “suggest” to me people they think I should be friends with. I get notifications all the time saying… Jeff Dahmer is friends with Charles Manson and thinks you know Charles and has suggested you two be friends. Well fuck that shit; I don’t need anyone telling me who they think I should be friends with. I’m a motherfucking disgruntled human in case anyone has forgotten and I get sick of that shit. Look, if Charles can’t add me as a friend himself then fuck him and all of his stupid ass requests that I can avoid if I don’t put his sorry ass on my list. What the fuck is that about anyway? People want to put me on their birthday calendars and stupid shit like that. Look, if you don’t know my birthday already, then what the fuck are you on my friends list for in the first place. Fuck you with the lower case f from the Facebook logo.

I have to get out of here now, my gourmet pizza is here… oh shit, it’s from the Hut.

There’s a problem in this country people, a very serious problem. I’m not talking about unemployment or the housing market or your herpes. I’m talking about people talking during a movie. Now I’m not talking here about some jackoff talking to his girlfriend all through a movie or someone yelling at the characters in the movie because they apparently think this is a fucking interactive theater. In fact I’m not even talking about a theater, even though this will apply. I’m talking about when you’re at home and you buy or rent a DVD (or Blu-Ray for you fuckers that prefer a crisp movie over feeding your children). You go out and get yourself the movie and then you think, hey I’ll be nice and I’ll take this over to a friend’s house and watch this because that’ll be fun won’t it?

Well what you find out when you start watching the movie is that your friend suddenly becomes a self professed movie and television buff and proceeds to tell you who all the actors are and what other things they have starred in. First they’ll just rattle off a character name from some TV show I’ve never seen or if they don’t know they’ll just name off the name of the fucking show or movie and let me know they were in there. Well that’s just great; I guess if they’re good in this, I’ll have to check out that other movie you were talking about Ebert.

Then after they tell you the character name or movie name it’ll be a few minutes and then they realize the actual actors name and you get to hear that too. What the fuck, is there going to be a test after the movie or some shit? Shut the fuck up and watch the goddamn movie. If I wanted explanations I would have turned on the closed captioning asshole. Can you fill me in on what Batman had for breakfast while you’re at it?

What’s real fun is when your friend doesn’t know where they’ve seen this person before, they just know they have. Well, I know I’ve seen them before… Well no shit, that’s because they’re fucking actors, this is their job and they don’t just work one movie and hang it up. Now don’t turn to me and ask me to help you on your half assed Trivial Fucking Pursuit like movie watching ability.

Fuck, now I have to go home and watch the movie alone like I should have in the first place so I can enjoy the thing and get my five dollar rental fee out of it.

You know, not only have I not been blogging a lot since I got my new non retail job back in 2006, I haven’t been as pissed off either. Now obviously there is a direct correlation between not working retail and not being so pissed off, so figure that the fuck out. So I’ve noticed that my lack of quality blogging has diminished since 2006 and I think I’ll try to solve the problem. No… I’m not going back to retail. I’m just going to get pissed off. Now my job is good, so what should I get pissed off about? I know, I’ll watch some news.

First off, Florida has once again not disappointed me by giving me two missing little girls in the last 6 months, and not only that, but their names rhyme. The second girl I hope they find her alive because it is a horrible situation for any parent to go through; however the one that irritates me is Caylee. This poor girl was killed and put in the woods; her mom is in jail on suspicion. Well guess what news people; now that the girl is dead, take it off the news. I had no problem when she was missing and it was on the news because hey, let’s get the news out there and maybe someone can help ID her and find her and get her home. But now that a body had been found and the mom is awaiting trial, I don’t want to see it anymore. If you want to spend time on a newscast then do some more to help find some more missing children. I don’t think Caylee was the only one out there. In fact I know she’s not. What about Adji Desir? I haven’t heard shit about him aside from the 10 minute blurb one night on Nancy Grace that he was missing, but apparently dead white girl trumps missing black boy, and we’ll leave the news at that. Note that I’m not totally bashing Nancy Grace on this, I’m talking about all of HLN, CNN’s second 24 hour news channel (like you fuckers needed a second one).

Anyway, I’ve mentioned before how having 24 hour news saturates the market and gives us way too much news and since there is time to fill, we get repetitive and stupid news stories. Well apparently NBC heard me and decided to put a news story on NBC Nightly News just for me. Now had this been some 24 hour MSNBC story I would have understood, but no; NBC reported on their Friday night newscast that Socks the cat had been put to sleep. Do you really think I give a flying fuck that the Clinton’s cat was put down? It was a cat for Christ’s sake! Was he (I’m assuming Socks was a boy cat) the Secretary of Hairballs or something like that? If not, then what difference does this make? Hell, he didn’t even get a blowjob while he was in the White House (OK, I’m only assuming that as well, because I don’t know what Monica’s limits were). Anyway, he was a pet and he was old for a cat, so therefore it’s natural and not news. He was just their pet.
And that brings us to pets… I have one more item to visit before I turn off this computer for another night. Who the fuck has a monkey for a pet? I don’t ever want to have a pet that I can’t take in a fight. If I have a cat and that fucker gets over 20 pounds, I’m taking his fat ass to the shelter. I don’t need Snicker’s smothering me in my sleep some night because I bought the wrong flavor of Fancy Feast. And if I have a dog, I’m getting a small Poodle or Chihuahua; you know, one of those gay dogs, because I could kick their ass if they freak out. I don’t need a German Shepherd walking around with my detached forearm in his mouth when the police show up. So we come back to the monkey, and not a cute cuddly monkey, a big ugly monkey with a bad fucking attitude. Well that’s what you want, go ahead and invite the neighborhood children over to play with him. Don’t forget, monkey’s have thumbs, and with thumbs, you can hold a knife, or gun… depending on how bad ass your monkey is. Oh, and by the way, I don’t know if it’s really a monkey or some other type of primate, but this isn’t fucking science class, so get over it if I’m wrong because I’m going to refer to it as “the monkey” always.

Now I haven’t read all of the reports involving this case, however from what I’ve been hearing, the owner slept with the monkey and took baths with it, noting that it was like her child. Lady, the monkey was what, 12, 14 years old? Show me any mother that sleeps and bathes with her teenage son and I’ll show you a future serial killer. Honestly, between you and me, you can’t convince me she wasn’t riding the primate pole.

So anyway, monkey (I know he was named Travis… but seriously, he’s a fuckin’ monkey) attacks this ladies friend and rips her face off. First off, why would you go visit your friend if they had a monkey? I’ve had friends with birds and I don’t go to their houses because I don’t want my eyes pecked out. So anyway she goes over and this monkey goes ape shit (I had to say that) and attacks her. That is so uncalled for and wrong and most likely unprovoked. The only way she was asking for it would be if she had been wearing Calvin Klein Banana Fragrance; then yeah, I’m with the monkey on that one. Give me the fucking bananas, I smell them and they’re on your face and neck. However considering the fact that Calvin Klein isn’t releasing that fragrance until Christmas of 2009, I doubt that is what happened.

So let’s recap how the news is making Dave more disgruntled… dead girl, still at the top of the news (Natalee Holloway anyone?) I don’t care if a cat belonged to the president; just because it died it isn’t news worthy. Monkey’s don’t make good pets unless their name is Clyde and you’re Clint Eastwood and you’re filming a movie in the 70’s.

Holy shit, that was a lot of writing, hopefully that makes up for the last couple years of sluffing off. Hey, good news by the way, the last blog entry (Feb 7) was my 500th blog entry. Also, 2009 marks 7 years of Disgruntledhuman.com (don’t divide 500 entries by 7 years to see how lax I am you damn nerds). Technically it’s my 8th year, but I didn’t purchase the domain name until April of 2003.

You know, maybe that will be on the news some night. Yeah, I doubt it too. I’ll have to buy a monkey.

Wow, I didn’t blog much at all last month, except for my one power blog on the last day of the month. I have to tell you, I was doing important work which explains my absence. I spent all of January on a cross country trek trying to help the Amish get ready for the digital TV conversion. It was a fun month, I got to milk cows and drink goat milk and hook DTV conversion boxes to fireplaces. Hopefully that will pass as community service in the judge’s eyes.

Speaking of the Amish and fireplaces… does anyone really believe that these heating units/fake fireplaces are being built by the Amish? That shit is mass produced just like everything else on the infomercial forefront. The only way I would buy any of that lame shit is if Billy Mays was selling it. Well him or that goofy Sham-Wow guy. What is it about wearing a mic/earphone headpiece from 1998 that makes you such a dick? To tell you the truth, I don’t think those Sham-Wow’s work well anyway.

There’s a phrase I love… To tell you the truth. Is our society so filled with lies and untruths, that we have to say that and warn people that we aren’t going to lie now?

Wow Jim, I really have no luck with the ladies lately.
Tim, to tell you the truth, you’ve never been good with the ladies.

Seriously, why don’t we do that when we lie to people? To totally lie to you, you are the most beautiful woman I know… oh no, the wart compliments your facial features. Yes, cellulite is in for 2009.

You know, to be honest with you, I don’t trust anyone who says to tell you the truth.

Holy shit, I completely forgot to do a blog entry in January.
Hope this counts.

You know, you drink heavily and pass out and I swear, Christmas just flies by. Of course I have been extremely busy so I saw Christmas coming and I just let it go by. I finished my shopping this year on the 22nd, which means that I was done before Christmas Eve, although I did make the mistake of going to the store that day and finding out how many fuckers do actually wait until the very last minute.

Once again I received clothes, because I’m at that age where I’d have to be retarded to receive toys. That is why I hang with people with kids, because then I can play with their toys and pretend like I’m just being nice to the kids.

What else is keeping me busy aside from this holiday stuff and the daily snow we get that needs to be shoveled? Websites. I finished my school classes a week or so ago, more than in time and I passed both classes with very nice grades which will give me the reimbursements that I so desire from work. So I ended up building a website for a friend that needed one and I got the bug back to work on the sites again. I am starting with the 3rd Bass website because I feel it is the one that needs the most attention at the moment. I have some major plans over there, and it’s finally nice to see some of that coming to light.

What sucks is that I was off Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week with pay for Christmas, and now I have to go back to work tomorrow. It’s so hard to get back into work after being off for so many days. I mean seriously, I have to put on pants tomorrow? What the fuck? Another fun fact is that I have a major deadline of noon tomorrow to have everything transmitted, so I will be going in earlier than I normally do… most likely 5am, if not a little bit earlier than that. I guess it all depends on when I wake up. That’s the other thing, I haven’t had to hear that annoying ass alarm clock for five days, and now I have to. Now I don’t sleep until noon or anything but it is so nice to just wake up on your own and not have to listen to that screeching noise to wake me up.

Oh well, I guess look on the bright side, I will be out of work much earlier than normal too. Then I can come home and take a nap and start some homework for my upcoming classes. Fuckin’ Awesome.

So tonight I’m sitting here pretty bored because I am supposed to be doing homework that will count for a large proportion of my grade and I am doing everything but that. Hey, in my defense it is way too late to be doing shit like homework. So I did something I haven’t done for a long time, I looked at my website stats and looked at what is bringing people to my site.

The number one search string that bring people to my website this month… Jessica Miles. I don’t run a fan site for her, I honestly don’t even watch KSTP much anymore because I just don’t turn the TV on in the morning anymore. All I ever did was write a blog post back in January 2005 about her because before she got a desk job she was the poor grunt girl at the news station and they would send her out to every shitty location to report on the news. It’s not like I built a shrine or ‘the ultimate Jessica Miles website’ or anything like that. I can’t believe a 4 year old post is getting that many hits. Unless… Jessica, are you googling yourself?

Here’s a news story for you. Why Dave isn’t going to pass his classes… because he’s wasting time posting another blog. (Actually if you see how often I post, this is a newsworthy item)

You know, when cell phones first started becoming popular but were still not something everyone had, people would rip on them and the people that owned them. I’m sure I was one of them ripping on people with cell phones and calling them names like Zack Morris or Doctor or stupid prick on his fucking cell phone. You know what I’m talking about right? See, I’m a people person as I’m sure you’ve gathered by now.

Well now I’ve got myself a cell phone, in fact I’ve had one for quite some time now. I like my cell so much I don’t even have a landline anymore. I guess I figured that as long as people annoy me, I might as well let them just annoy me wherever I go. There’s nothing more exciting than trying to take a shit and answering a phone call. Usually when that happens I try to tell them some elaborate lie so they will say something like “you’re full of shit” and then I can say… well not for long.

Anyway, on to the newest bunch of stupid shit that technology has brought us… the Bluetooth headset. I do not have one, and I do not plan on having one either. Unlike the cell phone, this is one piece of plastic that I can do without. I don’t even get on that high horse calling people losers and shit that are walking around talking to their tiny ear attached phone. I only have one problem with the Bluetooth headset… I can no longer tell who the assholes are from the crazy bastards. You see, before this craze came along, if I saw someone walking down the street talking to themselves, I knew this person was crazy and I should perhaps side step. Now I see someone walking along talking to themselves and waving their arms all around, I have to first check out their ears before I make such a bold assumption. Oh no, this guy isn’t a retard; he’s talking on his headset… so in actuality he is a retard.