Ok, by now everyone’s probably seen it on the news. Some kids steal this little punk bastard’s X-Box, he gets pissed off and then he convinces three others to help him kill the ones who stole it. It’s a horrible crime and hopefully the dumb asshole that did this will serve some serious time. My problem with this is that everyone is throwing this news story around with so much emphasis on the X-Box. The game console is nothing in this story. This guy was obviously pretty fucked up in the head already and therefore no matter what they took, or he thinks they took is no matter at this point. The fact is that he killed or had someone kill six people. The six people apparently took some of his clothes, but you don’t see the headlines “Fruit of the Loom murders”. Nope, that’s because the X-Box is a bigger deal and this will stir some more video game debates up. I’m sure the fuckers at FOX and CNN are already assembling their crack team of video game experts to discuss this situation in detail. What a bunch of shit.
Do you know what our high temperature was today? 52; it’s fucking August according to my cheap ass Wal Mart desk calendar with the stains all over it. If it’s really August then why the fuck does it feel like early March or late October? You know what it is? It’s a conspiracy to make us buy sweaters. Those bastards at the GAP are overstocked on product from last year and now they are making it cold out; knowing we are too lazy to dig our own stuff out and we will come down like robots and buy their shit. Ok, I’ve been watching too many detective shows while drinking heavily and I’m a little numb to reality.
Speaking of being numb, I got a new product in; new Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms. They have 4% benzocane in them. In case you think you have heard of benzocane but aren’t sure where, just pick up your bottle of Ambesol or Orajel. That has 10%, but it’s the same ingredient. Apparently the theory here is that if your dick gets numb then you will go longer. This was obviously invented by a woman because no man has that kind of time on his hands. If a man is that sensitive this probably won’t help him anyway because he’ll probably blow it while he’s putting the condom on and then he won’t even feel it. On the plus side you could go around selling yourself as a remedy for toothaches.