There was a kid in the store today running around grabbing all the paging microphones and blurting into them. I was getting rather irritated by that shit. The little fucker was lucky I didn’t have any french fries in my hand or I might have done something rash.
That’s right, french fries are now a registered weapon in some parts of the country. If someone pisses you off, you just put them in a headlock and rub hot fries in their face. Works for 18 year old girls who can’t take a 4 year old on by themselves. This is pretty frightening news here. We may have to invade Idaho searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction. We know they’re there, they might be buried, but we’ll find them dammit. What’s next, someone gonna fuck you up at the mall with a Ruffle? “Better give him your wallet honey, he’s got a whole snack pack!”