Month: March 2005

So I’m at work today and this is going to be the nicest day of the year so far. We’ve got almost all of the snow melted and I’d say damn near a 70 degree reading outside. The only problem with all that is I’m stuck at work with a bad fever. Spring fever. So while I’m slaving away on the warmest day so far this year, I’ve got these asshole customers coming in the store telling me how nice it is. You sick bastards, do you tell diabetics how sweet the candy is too? Do you tell cripples how fun walking is? Do you tell ugly people how good sex is? You’re an evil bastard and you need to get out of my face with all that “nice weather” talk. I’d much rather have you come in and tell me how shitty it is outside and that you wish you had to work because it’s currently raining frogs. Of course that would be a sign of the apocalypse. Not the raining frogs part, but the customers actually saying something that didn’t piss me off part.

Speaking of pissing me off, every time I turn on the TV I get shown this shit down in Florida some more. You know, I swear that Florida is the seventh layer of Hell. From the kids having kidney failure from the petting zoos, to the little girl getting killed, to the many hurricanes hitting last year to the teachers screwing their students and now Jesse Jackson trying to resurrect his career fighting this battle for Terry Schaivo. His career is colder than Mary Kate Olsen’s dinner plate. So Jesse is down in Florida trying to give his career a much needed boost for the same reason everyone else is there. Television coverage.

Let’s break this down from my viewpoint first. The husband wants her dead partially because somewhere deep down he does want her suffering to end. Of course there is also that whole insurance or settlement that I believe I heard was somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 million dollars. I’m sure that is part of the plan as well. The parents just don’t want to let go of their daughter although I personally think that if she was going to wake up, she would have already. As far as I’m concerned, this is a family fight that should not have gone any farther than a court in Florida.

I’ve already stated what I think of the people that are standing outside of the hospice singing their songs and doing their prayer circles. We all know that if the cameras weren’t there, neither would the protesters. Now, let’s get to the government. Anyone above the Florida government should not be sticking their noses in this. That means the White House should keep out of it and concentrate on other things, like maybe the war we are fighting. I was reading today that Laura Bush is glad that the government stepped in like they did because this is really a matter of life and death that they should be involved in. In fact, she said this: “I just feel like the federal government has to be involved, it is a life issue that really does require government to be involved.” Well I think I have a solution to all of this right now. Maybe they should enlist Terry into the armed forces and then our federal government won’t give a shit if she dies.

So today is the big day that we celebrate Easter. It’s a wonderful holiday that for whatever reason isn’t recognized at your job as a paid holiday. You know, any holiday that potentially involves having to have dinner with extended family should get my ass some sort of compensation. How can Easter not be considered a holiday, yet Christmas is a holiday? Don’t even tell me that Easter is a religious holiday. Religion aside for the moment, let’s compare the two shall we? On Christmas you get presents from a fictional character named Santa Claus. On Easter you get presents from a fictional character named The Easter Bunny. Actually when I was a kid I would be lucky to get anything more than some candy and a Hot Wheels car. Nowadays you kids are getting a haul like it was Christmas.

Ok, now let’s compare the religious side of this. Christmas is the day Jesus was born. Remember the whole manger thing, the North Star and the three wise men bringing him gifts. There, that’s Christmas and you’re scarfing presents and getting the day off of work with pay… and it’s not even YOUR birthday.

Easter on the other hand is a little different. Easter is the resurrection of Jesus. See, to die and to come back to life is something the working force apparently can’t grasp and even though they buy the birth of Christ, they just aren’t buying into the whole resurrection part; and that’s why you’re not getting paid for having today off. Hey, if you’re going to be paying me money to sit at home and eat ham and mashed potatoes then I think the people making the work rules about not getting paid on Easter should change their minds. It’s not impossible to come back from the dead, just ask Kenny from South Park or Anna Nicole Smith’s career.

You know what I’d like to see? I’d like to turn on my TV and not have to watch this stupid battle over the life of Terri Schiavo. Look, the whole thing is a horrible thing and it’s unfortunate that whatever happened to her happened, but someone needs to wake up and realize that she’s not living. I don’t even want to get into the parents because I don’t have kids so I couldn’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to know she is going to die, and I couldn’t understand how they could have coped with the last 15 years just living on a prayer that she would wake up tomorrow.

That isn’t the part that gets on my nerves, the part that gets on my nerves is everyone that is standing outside of this hospice singing fucking kumbaya or whatever it is and praying for Terri. Gee, let’s send our child inside with a cup of water so he can be arrested at the age of 8. Here are all of these people standing outside of a building trying to save a woman who won’t even be able to thank them if they were to win. All of these people are outside protesting to not starve Terri and are trying to sneak food into her. I have an idea. Why don’t you go downtown and find a homeless person and sneak them a sandwich? I’m sure they would be able to appreciate it a little more. These worthless fucks wouldn’t be standing outside of the hospice if there wasn’t 24 hour news coverage. What do they think, that we will think they are terrific people because they are trying to save her life on live television? If you take the cameras away then most of the people will go back to their lives which involves spitting on the same type of people and the same causes as they are standing up on television claiming they are fighting for. Then you get the weird bastards that are putting hits out on the husband and the judge. What in the fuck is that about? Wow, I’m so against another human being deciding who lives or dies that I’m going to pay money to have you killed. Do you see the double standard stupidity in your thinking there?

I think George Carlin was right; the planet is fine; the people are fucked.

Last week I got sick at work. No, not sick of work, that’s a daily occurrence. This was more me being sick with whatever fucked up germs are passing around at work. You know when you work in the HBC section you get many people coming in to share their cornucopia of viruses with you. So somewhere along the way I picked up a slight bug. It started with a sore throat on Wednesday and by Thursday it was still a somewhat sore throat and a growing amount of phlegm in my throat and chest. Well after working all day on Thursday I made it known that I might not be feeling well on Friday. Of course Friday rolls around and whenever I talk you can just hear the snot churning, so I said fuck it and called in sick. I’ve been there over ten years and that is the first time I’ve ever called in sick. I’ve gone home sick a day or two tops in my time there, but this is the first day I’ve called in sick. So I’m sitting around the house Friday not doing much of anything between periods of coughing up colorful stuff and then I get the mail. I had a letter from the United States Postal Service. Ok, about three or four years ago I took the test for the postal service and was told at that time that there wasn’t going to be anyone hired. That has been on the back burner forever and then I open this letter and it is telling me that I am eligible to apply for a part time job with the Post Office. The pay is $16.65 per hour and I figure it’s my best shot at getting a high paying job in a short time. I sent my letter back telling them that I’m interested in applying for the job and I guess I’ll see where it goes from here. If I do get it there are full government benefits that come with the job, even the part time job. Guess what that means? It means I no longer need my current job. I figure since I wouldn’t need the full time job to get my benefits, I could work this post office job and get myself another part time job and cross my fingers that the postal job turns to full time soon.

Speaking of going postal, I’m making a plea that someone goes postal on that worthless piece of shit down in Florida John Couey. As far as I’m concerned there is no reason for his existence any longer, in fact there probably was no reason for his existence in the first place. As long as he has already confessed to going into this girl’s bedroom, kidnapping and killing her; there is no reason for a trial. He’s guilty, he isn’t alleged for shit. I can only hope that in the next couple of weeks someone kills his sorry ass. Whether it’s another prisoner or a cop or a vigilante out for justice, he’ll be better off rotting. I don’t know this girl that he killed but I still want him to get what’s coming to him. I can’t believe that the church asked for their members to forgive him. If he wants to be forgiven by God, then let’s arrange a meeting.

So today was my ten year anniversary at my job. I’ll pause for your applause. There, now that you’re done with that bullshit, I’ll continue. So anyway, I get this little lame pin with the company name on it and a 10 engraved to forever remind me that I’ve wasted ten good years of my life at this job. It went by really quick, but it was still a waste. Shit, if I had gone to school I could be a pharmacist or even a doctor by now. But nooooo, I’m still working in a dead end grocery store. So today while I worked and thought about the fact that I did waste ten good years of my life I started to reflect. Have you ever watched a movie that sucked, but you sat through it anyway and you think, “Damn, I just wasted two hours of my life?” Well, imagine you watched that movie 43,800 times and you’ll know how I feel. Well, since my last time machine didn’t work out so well I guess I’ll have to work on the future instead of worrying about the past.

So I’m at work working my load and listening to the tunes on the radio we’ve got going and thinking. Yes they did play Walk This Way again today but I’m not going to get into that. They did play “Beat It” by Michael Jackson though and something went through my mind. Most of his songs could be used to convict his ass. He’s accused of showing the kid to masturbate and in his song he’s saying… Just Beat It. Coincidence? I think not. Billy Jean; who says Billy Jean is a girl? I’m Bad; well obviously if you’re up on molestation charges you are. Don’t even get me started on Thriller.

Speaking of Michael, what the fuck is up with the whole pajama thing? That shit was nothing more than a publicity stunt to get people talking about how weird he is and to get them to shift focus to that and away from what he’s on trial for. Honestly, even if you aren’t watching the trial on TV, you sure as shit caught this bullshit on the news or somewhere. So this happened Wednesday or Thursday I believe and the next morning on the news they were covering it like they found Osama Bin Fuckin’ Laden. Let’s get something straight. I turn on the news and I heard… Michael Jackson showed up to trial in a suit jacket and pajamas; and in other news, he might have touched this boy’s penis. Next time you break in for news about him, let me know he’s convicted or let go. I don’t care about the petty details; or the petting details.

Yesterday I was hanging out in my aisle stocking because that’s what you do on Thursday. Ever since Christmas there has been an internal battle over which radio station we are going to listen to. Myself and the store manager have tried a few different ones on the weekends we both work and after a few hits and misses we have landed on the 80’s channel. We’re both about the same age and grew up listening to songs from the 80’s so we like that channel. Well, the assistant manager is a little older, more in the 43 year old range so she likes country. We tend to have a struggle where if the store manager is off for more than two days, when we come back the station is suddenly on country music. Well that shit gets changed as soon as it’s heard, frankly because it just sucks. Well, we are on the 80’s now and have been for a couple of weeks.

So, like I said before, I was standing in my aisle working my fingers to the bone and suddenly I hear something familiar. Now mind you I’m used to hearing some Huey Lewis, some Cyndi Lauper and all the rest of that 80’s stuff on here, but this blew my mind. In my little shitty store they played… Walk This Way. Mind you this wasn’t the Aerosmith version of Walk This Way. This was the 1986 version that Run DMC did with Aerosmith. I see you’re not impressed. You see, I live in redneckville and they have NEVER played anything rap related on the 80’s channel before. This was a big deal to hear one of my favorite rap groups playing in my least favorite places to work. Obviously you’re not getting the point here. Rap music was being played in our store. Our shitty little store where most of the people think rap music is evil. I think I just stood still under the speaker in my aisle hoping no stupid ass customer wouldn’t come up and interrupt my time portal back to 1986, all the while I hoped that they would play It’s Tricky or You Be Illin next. Hell, even some LL Cool J or perhaps some Public Enemy would have been great. Alas, the following song was Heart of Rock and Roll from Huey Lewis. It was still the best five minutes I’ve had at my job for, oh say ten years.

Welcome to Wisconsin. Here we have beautiful scenery, many lakes to fish out of, and plenty of wildlife. Apparently too much wildlife. What is sure to be one of the stupidest things to ever bring attention to this state, there is going to be a debate about making feral cats fair game. According to what I’ve read, they want to make it so anyone who has a small game license can go around and shoot feral cats, and this will be decided in April. Why do we need to waste our time debating shit like this? If you want to shoot the cat, just shoot it and leave me out of it. Now I suppose we’ll get everyone from those PETA assholes and every other tree hugging hippy out there into our state on April 11. That’s just great, I’m glad this shit is going to be in the southern part of the state so I don’t have to get involved. I haven’t heard PETA charm in on this yet, but give it time, they are probably throwing blood on people they don’t like at the moment and haven’t had time to respond. So perhaps next fall many people will flock to Wisconsin to shoot cats. You can come visit me at my new place of business… Disgruntled Human’s Cataxedermy Shop. That’s right, you shoot the cats and I’ll stuff the little bastards. Not only will we be taking care of the feral cat population, but I’ll be helping you clutter your house up with more useless shit. Cat killing, a plan that works for everyone.

In other great news, this time nothing to do with my state, the new season of South Park starts tonight. Hopefully tonight will be a good show since the last couple seasons; the first show was pretty good. I guess in an hour I will know.

Work still sucks, but did you expect any more? This dollar day shit is really starting to get on my nerves big time. Every time I turn around I’m being told that we are going to have more and more dollar days. The big reset that was supposed to happen still hasn’t, and even though every time I talk to one of the suits I hear “it’s going to happen”, much like Santa Claus; I’ve stopped believing.
I guess the only thing to do is bring in all the dollar days these douche bags want, watch my gross profit fall and then listen to them bitch because it fell so sharply.

Well, over the weekend after I got home from work I got online and checked my email. One of the things I got in my email was about Wal Mart. Now anyone who has read my main page has seen that I bash on Wal Mart some because they don’t sell explicit CD’s, yet sell R rated movies and sell cigarettes and guns… all things that require age verification, yet they can’t sell CD’s with a label on them.

So anyway I get this email Saturday:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 4, 2005, In a statement released today Kirk Phillips, chief executive of Houston based record label GoreallaEntertainment.com, is publicly putting Wal-Mart on notice: “Carry our product, in the original unedited format or face serious legal action.”
Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer and record store have a standing policy since 1996 of not stocking CDs, which carry parental advisory labels. Phillips cries foul whenever the policy is mentioned.
HERE IS THEIR SITE TO READ THE REST

This wasn’t sent to me by someone I know or even someone who has read my site and decided to let me know this. This was sent to me from the public relations of the above record company. Although I don’t know how far they will get with the lawsuit, I applaud them for trying. I have always thought that the policy was bullshit and I don’t think anyone should have to kiss Wal Mart’s ass to make a living in the entertainment industry.

In other news, work sucks. Thursday we found out that there were some possible bogus Post Office money orders floating around town. We don’t cash any money orders at our store anyway because it is our policy, so we should be ok right? Wrong. Sunday morning when I’m going through cash drawers what do I find? A Post Office money order for $100, that’s what I find. I have no clue if it was bogus or not, but I deposited it with the rest of the checks and crossed my fingers. Also for the first time on Saturday one of the bundles of money from the bank was $4 short. That has never happened to me in the year that I’ve been working in the office. The ones come in bundled in packs of $100 and they are separated in packs of $25 within that $100 bundle. Well, one of the small bundles only had $21 in it. Well, that makes the safe short that money because your deposit is your deposit and you can’t take away from that to make your safe right. Since I was off today I won’t know until tomorrow what came of that situation. Maybe they’ll think I stole the money or something. You know, I’m so hard up I need to take $4 so I can pay off my car… considering I carried over $10,000 in cash two days in a row to the bank I’m sure I’m a prime suspect.

On a positive note, South Park’s new season starts this Wednesday and I can’t wait… time to get a new tape out.

Yesterday was absolutely the longest day I’ve ever had. I was working at my normal pace and I wondered what time it was and I look down at my watch and it says it’s only 9:45am. Well that’s fucking impossible because I know everything I’ve done and it must be later than that. Well, upon a quick inspection of the time clock I realized that my watch was right and I was wrong. Well, the day dragged ass all day until I decided around 4 that I had it and I went home. Around 7 or so I decided to lie down on the couch and watch some TV. Sometime around 8:30 I fell asleep and when I woke up on the couch I thought it must be midnight or at least 11pm. Well, when I glanced at the clock it was 9:30. Damn, I wasn’t even asleep for an hour. Well at that point I was still tired so I put the sleep timer on the TV and crawled into bed and fell back asleep. The next time I woke up I figured it was 2 or 3 in the morning since that’s usually when I wake up. Well, one glance at the clock let me know that it wasn’t even midnight yet. What the fuck? Well, I went to the bathroom and decided to go back to sleep. The next time I woke up it was 1:30 in the morning. What a slow ass day and night this is turning into. I fell back asleep and when I woke up this time I figured it must be almost 6:30 and time to get up. I rolled over to look at my alarm clock and was alarmed that it was only 4am. I still had over two hours left before I need to get up. I tried to go back to sleep and I did fall back asleep but for whatever reason the weird fucking dreams started. I don’t even fully remember what I was dreaming but I woke up pretty damn quickly and decided to check out the TV. I ended up sitting on the couch and watched some TV and doze off if I could. I did doze off and when I woke up again it was 5… it was fucking 5am. What the hell is that all about? I decided to crawl back in bed since I had a whole hour and a half left to sleep and then I woke up about 5 times between then and when I was supposed to get up. What a fucked up night, not to mention there was nothing good on TV.

Why was there nothing good on TV you ask? Well, it’s because every channel I turned to was covering the Martha Stewart homecoming. Whoopty fucking doo. All I heard at 4 in the morning was how poor Martha now has to do another five months on house arrest. Have you seen her fucking house? Shit, house is an understatement. It’s a 16 million dollar estate. You could lock my ass up there for five months and I’ll be just happy. She’s a fucking millionaire and people are feeling sorry for her because she’ll be cooped up for five months. It’s like when your kid is bad and you send them to their room. Then you realize that their room has a PS2, a big TV, a computer and a phone. Wow, some punishment. How about we send Martha to the ghetto and make her be under house arrest? Would seem like more of a punishment to me then being locked up in a mansion.