Author: David

I know I’ve bitched about this before, but dammit I guess I will re-iterate it once again. The low carb craze has got to stop. A legitimate diet has been raked over the coals and has now surpassed fad status and is fast becoming a fucking catch phrase. You can’t even look around a store without seeing the word “carb” on your products. Everyone wants to be low carb or lower carb and they are putting out more and more products with less carbs.

Here is the problem with all of that. When you take the carbs out of something, you have to replace it with something. Refined sugar carbs are probably the worst carbs out there and all of the snack shit that is coming out in a low carb format needs to understand something. You can’t replace sugar with lacitol and malitol and things like that and have it be just fine for you. First you will most likely get the shits because you get a laxative effect from them. Second, if you are buying all of the low carb chocolate bars and ice creams then you really haven’t learned anything being on the low carb diet anyway. The main point of any diet is for you to stop fucking eating the sweets and high carb/fat items and eat the basics. Once you start throwing the treats back into your everyday lifestyle; even the low carb ones; you are just asking for failure.

Another problem is all of these products that just happened to be low carb that are suddenly stressing that point. The meat department has Low Carb signs up by their meats. Well no shit. I love the fact that these products are now advertising that they are low carb because it’s the in thing to do. Find a pork rind bag that doesn’t stress they have no carbs. I’m surprised water doesn’t have it on their bottles…yet.

Oh well, bitch mode off for a moment. Tomorrow is my day off and I am damn ready for it. I have been in a bad ass mood for some reason lately. The last two days have been pretty bad at work. It’s been to the point where people would walk down the aisle and in my head I’m like get out of here you fuckers. I’m not normally like that so I’m not sure what is up. It might just be that I’m so sick of work that I need to get out of there. Someday…hopefully soon.

Ok, thanks to the impending rains we are expecting there will be no camping trip this weekend. We have already been put under a flood watch because of what is expected to hit here. Therefore I need to find other things to do this weekend. Maybe I should build myself an ark, just incase. Of course rain eliminates fishing and golfing both, so there, I’m stuck inside. That ark thing looks cool, but I highly doubt I will get to that now. It’s the new millennium, they have inflatable rafts and shit now, no need for all that construction. Who do I look like over here; Norm Abram?

What I will probably do is scoot down to Eau Claire for the day. Also have to buy a Powerball and hope that pans out. I saw a sweet ass vehicle the other day. It resembled a station wagon. A bad ass station wagon. The new Dodge Magnum is what I’m talking about of course. That thing just looks so fucking sweet and I think I would actually buy one if I won the money. Of course then I would probably spend the remaining money on the gas it would take to drive that damn thing all around town.

So far this year there are actually three CD’s that I intend on purchasing. Everlast is coming out with a new one next Tuesday the 25th. The Beastie Boys are finally returning with a new one on June 15th and Uncle Kracker is releasing his third on June 29. I’m pretty sure Eminem will be releasing a new one sometime this year as well, so that will make four that I buy. That will probably be a new record for me considering my past purchases in the last few years. Why don’t I purchase every new CD that has come out? Well, it’s mostly because the quality of the music sucks. I will buy these CD’s because I have all of the work from these artists and will continue to support them, however when Joe Blow releases a one hit wonder and the rest of his album is filled with shit, I will opt to pass on the purchase of his frisbee/coaster; whichever it becomes first since I won’t be listening to the shit. I can always wait the three months until that shit ends up in the $1.99 pile with the notch chopped out of the side. Then I might steal it.

Tomorrow I get to go in at 645 and do books. Luckily I get to leave at 3 in the afternoon. I guess I shouldn’t complain since my company decided to shut down 21 stores yesterday just like that. Since we weren’t one of them I guess I should be counting my lucky stars – oh look, only 4 left. As far as all of the stores they are closing, it sounds like the ones that are being shut down were real dogs and only resource drainers. Of course, tell that to the employees that work there and try and justify it. I know I’d be extremely pissed off if they came in and told us our store was done for. I guess I would have to collect unemployment for a while or something.

Tomorrow after work I think I am going up north camping, although I’m not sure yet. Weather wise it sounds like it is going to be a horseshit weekend. I know, unbelievable isn’t it? Shitty weather in Wisconsin, unheard of. Well, it’s true. Rain, rain and more rain. I guess we can always use the rain, at least until it floods us out. If I remember correctly it hardly rained at all last year and apparently it is trying to make up for it this year.

I am still attempting to skittle-ize my blog here. I haven’t played around with it too much yet, mostly because I still haven’t mastered CSS yet. I have the coding for this blog printed out on three pages and maybe I will figure it out while I’m out in the wilderness this weekend, provided I don’t use it for toilet paper.

Every time I look at my page now I feel like I am watching an ad for Skittles or something. Well, maybe not everytime, but I am calling this my Skittle phase. I guess I forgot to mention that Lisa from Ohio was the one that gave me the idea for my new page colors. Here’s your Kudo’s

dave: sooooooo
dave: whats a good color scheme
lisa: yellow and lime green
lisa: eye catching
lisa: um
lisa: well
dave: yello maybe
lisa: yellow and orange ?
dave: but w/ green it’s kinda um…packery
lisa: oh
lisa: well i said lime green
lisa: not hunter green
dave: well, that green/yellow and some orange?
dave: that would be a drastic change up wouldn’t it
lisa: yes
dave: and not so um, blah
lisa: yeppers
lisa: so we agree on lime green yellow and orange ?
dave: possibly

So there you have it; and this way in case you don’t like the colors of my page, it’s not totally my fault now is it? Blame Lisa!

Work was a total bitch today. I am quickly becoming sick of this whole working on the weekend thing. I honestly thought it wouldn’t be so bad but I guess I will have to admit that I was wrong. Well, I can’t say that in the last few months that I’ve ever come out and said I love my job. Wait I’m wrong, make that the last few years. Of course now I get to go to bed so I can get up and go back tomorrow for another fun day of the bullshit, then Tuesday then a long waited much needed fucking day off!

As I sit here we are dipping into the low 30’s. The low 30’s as in fucking winter. This is not what May weather is supposed to feel like; especially considering that it was hot and humid just 24 hours ago. This weather is more and more fucked every day. Hell, I will probably be driving to work in snow tomorrow.

I just changed my site for the umpteenth time, this time with some pretty bold colors. These aren’t my normal dark and grungy colors so it will probably take me a while to get used to them. I do like the outlined look of everything and that is a function that will definitely stay, like around the menu’s. As far as the color I do like them, but honestly, how long do color schemes last on my pages? Three months tops right? Now the only thing I have to do is screw around with this blog and see how to change my colors. That is of course when I am going to have time, which isn’t this weekend.
I have three days in the bookkeeping office this week. Tomorrow and then the weekend as well. That means three days of being to work at 6:45 a.m. Honestly I don’t mind the whole office job thing, I just want a change. I have been sick of work for quite some time now but it has only been recently that I have been looking into ways to change my life around a little bit. Number one is to sell the car, which I am attempting to do still. Number two would be to quit my job once the car is sold and I find a new one in my town. Number three will be looking into some further college because I don’t know how much longer I can do this shit.

Last night in an unusual turn of events I was up late. Normally I am in bed by 10 or so every night. Apparently it’s a side effect of getting older or something like that. Like I said I was still up around midnight or so; so I turned on the TV and started flipping through. I came up to Comedy Central which was showing Eddie Murphy Raw. They’ve been doing this where they show R rated things late at night unedited. They did it with South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut on more than one occasion, letting all the shits & fucks fly with no problem. So, when I found Eddie Murphy on I thought alright, I’ve got something to watch now. Well only about two minutes into it I found out that they were bleeping it every time he said “fuck”. Shit was just fine though, that word never got bleeped. Why is the word fuck so bad that it gets the bleep but shit was A-OK to say throughout the entire broadcast? Isn’t that a double standard or something? If you can say fuck all throughout the entire South Park movie then why can’t Eddie Murphy say it? Besides, this is what it said on their website prior to showing this… Watch Eddie Murphy: Raw in its uncut glory, part of our Secret Stash. In it’s uncut glory? What in the &%#@ was uncut about that shit? Why are we discriminating against fuck when we are all happy to hear the word shit? Are we worried that if we say fuck too many times that someone might become upset and then the shit will hit the fan? What the fuck?

In other news, my 3 day weekend is coming to a rapid close. I work Monday then I’m off Tuesday and then I work Wednesday probably until next Tuesday. That sucks. I bought a For Sale sign that I’m putting in my Mustang. I still owe roughly 7,000 on it, so I’m hoping to sell it for 8,000 to 9,000 and then buy myself something that drives for around 1,000 to 2,000. I’m sick of paying over 300 a month to drive that car. I have a 30 mile round trip to work every day. With the increasing gas prices and the strong dislike for my job; it would make sense to dump the car and buy something cheap and then work in town here for a little less money per hour. I am also entertaining the idea of going back to school this fall for some computer classes. I hate retail.
Hey, that whole Powerball thing didn’t pan out for me, and someone in Pennyslvania won. One person won the whole damn thing. I hope at least that it was like a entire group of people buying tickets so the money gets spread out some. There is no reason for one person to win that much money; especially considering it wasn’t me.

Today is Cinco de Mayo. My Cinco de Mayo celebration got completely out of hand when those Miracle Whip assholes showed up and stole the show with their whole “tangy zip” spchiel. Those bastards. Seriously though, are you celebrating, because I’m not. It’s not because I’m too good for the holiday or anything like that, it’s more because I have no idea what it’s about.
I was actually watching TV today, which I rarely do, and was overwhelmed by the stupidity of this whole Friends fiasco going on. They are making it look like they are the first show that has ever ended a series. Oh look, it’s the Friends 1 hour special tonight, followed by the two hour Dateline special and then tomorrow night there is going to be the two hour finale. Let me be one of the first to say… Big Fuckin’ Whoop. I know some people like the show but I don’t see the big deal; the show will live on forever in syndication and you can buy the first six seasons on DVD already. Then of course they are charging somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 million per commercial. I guess that explains why they are pumping up the show like it is the second coming of Christ.

It’s been one hell of a weekend. The May Day festivities got way out of hand and things didn’t get back to normal until well after the the police left. Ok, sure I made that shit up, but I wasn’t lying that it was one hell of a weekend. I had to work Saturday and Sunday at 6:45 in the morning, and for whatever reason Saturday morning I woke up at 4:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep, and then Sunday morning I woke up at 3:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep. Needless to say that on Sunday night I was tired as hell. I finally laid down on the couch and watched some TV and fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up around 5 this morning and then crawled into bed and slept until 6:30. Finally, back to normal.

You know the saying a fool and his money are soon parted? I guess that’s true. There is an elderly couple in our town and almost two years ago they were the victim of one of these Canadian money wiring schemes. They were told they won some awesome prize but to claim it they needed to send a few thousand dollars. When they came to the store we told them it was a scam and that they shouldn’t do it, so they went to K Mart and did it instead. A few weeks later there was an article in the newspaper about them being scammed out of their money and how embarrased they were about it. Well, the same couple in the last month have wired over $20,000 to Canada again. Each time they have a different story to go with the wiring. The last one was that they were working with the Canadian police to catch the scammers and they could come get their money back because the police would catch the guys before they collected. Well, it just happened that 20 minutes after the money was wired it was picked up, therefore the old people didn’t get their money back. You know, if people like this really want to just throw their money away like that, I would love to open my wallet to them. I can think of plenty of things I could have done with $20,000. Apparently I am in the wrong business here.

It’s my weekend to work again, which means it really isn’t a fucking weekend is it? It’s a continuation of the week, because work has not ended yet. Of course the weekends aren’t too bad because I get to be locked in the office and not have to deal face to face with customers. I’m going to comp myself next week anyway, because I’m off my normal Wednesday and the weekend, but I also am taking off Friday. That’s right, three day weekend baby! What am I going to do on my three day weekend? I have no fucking clue yet, I guess I will decide on that when it gets here. In other news, the weather still sucks, although it looks to shape up slightly for my next day off, which if I haven’t mentioned is fucking Wednesday!

I have my site done and uploaded now. It now includes two duplicate sites, one with frames and the other without. It was rather easy to do because I still had the old site archived and just had to do a facelift with it to make it work out. The design is hopefully going to get changed in the near future, but of course that is something I will have to work on later. I’m just trying to think of a good color scheme to go with, as well as some new graphics too. Now that I have a portal page again I will have to start working on my flash abilities again so I can put something up there.

Today is my day off, and it is supposed to be a beautiful day out there. We are talking high temps in the mid 70’s and that warm southerly breeze, all that good shit. Then I make the mistake of looking at the extended forecast and find out that on Saturday it is going to snow. Ok now, Saturday is May 1st. I was always told while growing up that April showers brought May flowers, but nobody ever fucking told me what brought May snow. If I had known what it was, perhaps I could have prevented it. Unfortunately I was unable to and now we are going to suffer some snow over the weekend; in May. Somebody send me a ticket to someplace where it’s warm and it doesn’t snow.

Have you ever noticed that people that are concerned with animal rights are usually only concerned with the cute animals? You can kill as many mice as you want but club one baby seal and it’s on. Case in point is Ford’s overseas ads for their Sportka. They have this car doing evil things and then they say it’s the Ka’s Evil Twin. I’ve got both of the commercials on my hard drive for my viewing pleasure so I went out to the net to see who has seen these and if there are possibly more. As far as I can tell there are two different spots, both of which I have. The first is a bird sitting in a tree and it flies down and the hood pops open and kills the bird. Well, this was well recieved by people, most thought it was hilarious. The second has a orange tabby cat running around and the sunroof opens on the car so the cat jumps up there and sticks its head in and then the sunroof closes, kitty’s head comes off and the limp body slides down the car. People didn’t seem to like this one very well. Most of what I read was “I have a cat and that isn’t verry funny” and shit like that. Well you know what, I have a cat as well and I thought it was funny. I hope they continue with more ads like this. You know, if I was on that ad agency I would have the Ka approach a competitors vehicle from behind and go at it doggy style. Of course, maybe that’s why I don’t have a job at an ad agency.

Ok, it is my first day with my brand new high tech, state of the art GSM cellular phone. It has cool games on it like bowling and I can go online if I want with it, and I can even use my existing instant messengers. I’m told you can also call up and talk to other people on it as well, amazing shit this technology. I do have one complaint for my new phone in this ultra hi-tech world. Why can’t it just fucking ring? It doesn’t ring, it fucking sings, and I don’t need a phone that sings; I need one that fucking rings. I was out and about today and it ‘rang’, and I didn’t even notice it. I heard some odd melody playing and just thought it was some crappy music being played at the store I was in. It wasn’t until later that I looked at my phone and realized that I had one missed call. So I went through all the ring tones looking for one that possibly resembled an actual ringing of the phone. Well, of the 20 or so tones in my phone, a ring sound isn’t one of them. I can however have the Mexican Hat Dance or the Chicken Dance as my ring if I want, but of course, no ring. I guess if you want to know what my phone is, it is a Gameboy that was made smaller and had some phone capabilities stuck in with it.

In other news, I went out and bought a new pair of shoes. I have been putting that off for quite some time, even though my old ones look like a mouse got in them and took parts to build a nest somewhere. Funny how I can put off something like shoes but a new cell phone… sign me up! I didn’t go the fancy multi-colored tennis shoes this time around like I normally do either. I went for function today. Damn, I must be getting old. I never do that, grey hair check: SHIT.

Today I upgraded my cellular phone. They are rolling out new GSM phones in our area. I have no fucking clue what GSM means, but anytime you have a 3 letter acronym for something technological, it’s gotta be cool. So, I got myself a new phone and a new plan. The good thing is that this will save me some money, which I’m all for lately. I’m looking at roughly cutting about $5 to $10 a month off my bill. That I can live with. Unfortunately my current plan had been digital and in the last few days it was starting to show signs of problems. Call drop offs and unable to get a signal; shit like that. Well, apparently this was because this new system is so much better and they will give the new service priority on the towers. Well, since this is my primary phone, I can’t live with that shit. So, I have a new plan, new phone and can’t wait until tomorrow when I can put all my fucking numbers into the new phone again. There’s another advantage to the new phone. There is a chip in it that will hold all that shit, and when I switch phones down the road, in theory I will be able to switch the chip and not go through all this bullshit of re-entering my info again. In theory is the keyword here.

I am working on a new design for my site. Shocking isn’t it? Actually the design won’t be to much of a change, but what I am going to do is offer both a framed version that I have been using for a year or so, then I am going to also offer a non framed version for anyone still living in 1993 with a browser that doesn’t support frames or someone damned to Web TV. Hopefully it will all work out like I think it will in my mind. That is of course If I don’t spend too much time watching my movies. Tomorrow it is supposed to be real shitty weather (cold and rainy) so I will be damned to be indoors most of the day, unlike today.

Today I got to do some lawnwork. I didn’t have to mow yet, but I did rake up the leaves I seemingly missed last fall and got the yard ready for it’s first mow. I bought the oil for the lawnmower and I will be changing that, as well as putting on a new filter either tomorrow or Wednesday. Then I will be primed up and ready to go for mowing season. I can hardly contain my excitement