Damn you groundhog!!! What the hell are you doing predicting six more weeks of winter? I think it’s high time we take Punxsutawney Phil and make some nice slippers out of that sunofabitch. What in the hell kind of medieval superstitious bullshit is this anyway? Whatever the groundhog says is going to happen? Why don’t we just go all out and make a Grandma’s knee day where we go check out how stiff the old people are and make some predictions off of that.
I am just waiting for them to commercialize this holiday too. I’m sure somewhere in a dark corner of Hallmark lies a Groundhog Day Card planner. Just wait, it’ll be happening before you know it. If not, maybe we can start betting on what the dumb little rodent will do, it’s just not the American way if we aren’t wasting money on it somehow.