Today was the first day of my new job. My new non retail job for those of you wondering. That’s right, in case I haven’t already rubbed it into certain people like Lisa enough; I’m no longer stuck in a grocery store. I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good. My first day there went rather well, however instead of watching videos all day long as I had thought I would, I actually wound up doing some basic data entry. Here’s a little hint for those of you scratching your head and wondering why I’m not online… when I spend 8 hours of my day staring into the abyss that is Microsoft Excel, coming home and staring into my lovely flat panel Dell monitor isn’t anything I desire to do, even if I’m looking at naked chicks. I actually had a headache today, most likely a combination of stress of starting a new job and learning new stuff and staring into a computer for that long of a time and actually accomplishing something. See, that’s the other thing, unless I’m doing schoolwork or working on a website, I don’t really accomplish anything at home on my computer. Did I mention that I already have this coming Friday off for Good Friday? Good Friday indeed, especially since I don’t have to work. I probably failed to mention that I am also going to get a paycheck this Thursday too. I’m already getting paid for what I’m working now, and I haven’t even gotten my vacation check from my last job, which should be a good one by the way.

What else is going on aside from me not working retail anymore (Lisa)… ha-ha…? Let’s see, easter is all set up and almost over with so what will you be doing in a week? Oh yeah, marking down all of your Easter that didn’t sell and putting out spring and summer shit… maybe I’ll come down and steal a pool from you.

Hey, I put my new 3rd Bass website up last week. That was pretty fun, I was up until 1am Saturday morning doing it, and I suffered with a hell of a headache afterwards, but it’s done, at least for the most part. There are a few more tweaks I may add in the future, but I left the ability to do that open so I won’t have to do any major overhauls when and if I do add anything.
Focker Out!

I was going to write this last Friday, then I put it off and I was going to put it up on Saturday but that was April Fool’s day and since I really didn’t have much else to fool with, I posted the fake blog entry announcing my exit from the internet world. However, on that subject, I do truly think that I do waste entirely too much time online and although I will not cut my internet time off completely, once I start my new job I will most likely cut back. I think the hierarchy will go something like this: First priority will be school, second will be web pages and third will be instant pestering… in that order. Anyway, back to what I was going to write last Friday.

Friday was my last day at my old job. God it feels nice to say that, it rolls off the tongue so nicely… old job. I love it. I can honestly say that even though there are some people there that I will miss dearly, no tears were shed by me as I collected my check at noon and stuck around for about 45 minutes afterwards making my rounds and telling people goodbye and all of that shit. There was no feeling that I had made a mistake and that I would regret it or any of that. The only thing I felt as I walked out the doors for the last time was relief. How do I spell relief? Q-U-I-T. They say when you die that your life flashes before your eyes, well when I walked out the door for the final time, a lot of shit flashed before my eyes as I was reminded that I would never have to do it again. I’ll share some of that shit with you and those of you that still work in retail can try harder to quit your shitty retail jobs. I’m going to include some of the shit I did when I worked HBC because even though that wasn’t my job the last eight months, I had a hard time convincing upper management of that. Plus it’s an extra jab at Lisa.

Things I don’t have to do anymore:

• I no longer have to deal with stupid customers asking me stupid questions.
• I no longer have to order any holiday merchandise.
• I no longer have to put up holiday merchandise and hear people whine because I’m rushing things.
• I no longer have to hang a gajillion price changes.
• I no longer have to get up at 3 or 4 am everyday just to go to work.
• I no longer have to drive 16 miles one way just to go to work.
• I no longer have to be in bed by 9pm so I can get up so early.
• I no longer have to deal with shipped in immigrants that don’t speak the language asking me questions about products that don’t exist.
• I no longer have to help some woman figure out which feminine hygiene product will best fit her needs… not to mention her profusely bleeding crotch.
• I no longer have to greet people like they are my best friends that I haven’t seen for years. That’s right, no more fake niceness from me… or real for that matter.
• I no longer have to wear a tie.
• I no longer have to put up with people and their obnoxious crotch drippings coming in the store and wrecking the place.
• And I no longer have to be take people to items in the store because they are too stupid to read the big ass signs in the aisles telling them where the shit is.

That’s right, I no longer am a slave to the business after working two jobs for the last 16 years in retail grocery. The next time I am in a grocery store and a customer happens to ask me something, I get to say the best four words ever invented… I DON’T WORK HERE.

Since my last day of work was yesterday I’ve been thinking of a lot of different things. The main thing is my dependence on the internet and the time that I waste on it. Whether it’s using instant pestering or wasting time creating web pages and web sites or just surfing the web, it’s absorbing entirely too much of my life.

I think I quit.

Goodbye.

Well, I’m in under a week now and I guess I’m starting to realize that it will soon be all finished and done with. I know for a fact that it will be a very good thing being done with this job and all, but it’s starting to sink in that I won’t be seeing these people everyday that I have now for over 11 years. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s a very weird feeling. There’s also the nagging feeling that I won’t have health insurance for two whole months starting in April. I’m going to look like the kid in the car commercial all wrapped up in bubble wrap for the months of April & May.

Moving on away from work… for the first time in quite some time I actually purchased a few CDs. I got the new one from Public Enemy which is really good with a throwback to the old days without sounding extremely retro. If you were never a fan you’ll probably never be and if you are a fan buy the album because you should really enjoy it. I also picked up Sonic Jihad by Paris. I have wanted this one for quite a while and it isn’t available anywhere around here so I hadn’t picked it up until now. It’s a very political rap record, which is something that is unfortunately not done much anymore and when it is done it’s never put on the radio. Apparently the only way you can have rap music played on the radio is if you scream incoherent messages and sayings without every conveying a message… aka talking loud as a motherfucker but ain’t sayin’ nothin’. The third album I picked up was by Chino XL. If you don’t know Chino XL I’d suggest you try and find his stuff either in the stores or online. I haven’t heard this CD enough to really judge it yet, but Here to Save You All is probably his best one… true classic, too bad not enough people know about it.

As I sit here thinking about the fact that I have less than two weeks left to work at my current retail job, I have been watching a little more television than I used to and I have noticed a disturbing trend. I know what you’re thinking… he’s going to bitch about those worthless ass reality shows like American Idol. As much as I’d love to waste my time bitching about that I’ve got bigger fish to fry now.

The Weather Channel has a new show on called “It Could Happen Tomorrow”. The whole premise of this show is to show you disasters that could happen if all the conditions were right. Let’s get that straight now, the channel that is supposed to report what is happening out there is now showing us shit that could happen if everything would fall into place. What a bunch of sadistic fuckers down there. Then I decide to switch the channel and I find this show on the Discovery Channel called “Perfect Disaster.” I’m thinking that it is going to be along the lines of the movie The Perfect Storm and talk about some shit that went down and teach me a little history lesson. Oh no, this is the same damn premise as the show on the Weather Channel. Look at what could happen if everything would come together just right.

Doesn’t enough bad shit already happen where we don’t need to start thinking of other bad shit that hasn’t happened yet? Doesn’t anyone remember the fucking Tsunami? How about all of the hurricanes we’ve been having. As if all of that shit wasn’t enough now we’ve got to have shows on describing new horrible disasters we’ve never even thought of yet. Hey, maybe a mega tornado will rip the shit out of the Dallas area and hit a stadium. Thanks, I’ll never enjoy a game in a stadium again. What the hell is wrong with people these days?

I think I’m going to get my own show along these lines and show people how bad their lives could be. Hey look, you could get hit by a car tomorrow. Someone could bring an UZI to your job tomorrow and waste everyone. Ah, that would be too simple though, that shit already happens around the world; I’ve seen it on CNN before. I’d have to come up with more creative shit than that.
You’re working in your office and you have the air conditioner on. Suddenly a power surge flares up in your building, but instead of knocking the power out in your building it supercharges the A/C unit and freezes everything in the office instantly, bringing the second ice age to your workplace.

See, if you come up with shit like that which will hopefully scare the living hell out of people then you might just have a show to work on. I think I’m gonna go call those dipshits at FOX right now. They seem to like copying other networks shows whenever they have a chance, why be any different now. Besides, they can put me on in Family Guy’s timeslot since all they ever show are reruns anymore.

If you’ve read my site at all, even casually then you probably have gotten the gist that I’m not particularly crazy about my job or place of employment. Today marks my 11th year at the store and every year it has gotten a little worse to work there. When we were sold off in 1999 that was the start of the downhill decline and then when my boss disappeared a few years ago that was another blow not to mention the countless stupid things that have happened there in the last 7 years. I have no desire to go into any details here because I know for a fact I have in past posts and there is no need to regurgitate old shit that is over and done with. Besides, this post is a very happy post. Yes, I know that is a first… a happy post from a disgruntled human. Write it on your calendars, call Ripley’s because on March 15, 2006, it happened. I said I was happy. Deal with it fuckers.

As I mentioned a few minutes or hours ago, depending on your reading abilities, today was my 11-year anniversary at the store. However, that is not the cause for celebration… the cause for celebration is the fact that I gave my two weeks’ notice today. Yes, I ended my 11-year run at the store by giving my two weeks’ notice on my anniversary date. Doubtful anyone at work will get that significance but dammit, I do. My last day at this job, providing I don’t get extremely pissed off or am deemed a security risk and get walked off premises, will be March 31st. Oh yeah, that’s why he said a few days ago he couldn’t wait til then. Now you get it.

Onto the new job… it’s a low position working some data entry and accounting duties, but the place is a hell of a lot better than where I am at now. There is plenty room for advancement, and they will help you work towards your goals and reward you for making them. I will be doing schooling to attain an accounting degree and that will help me advance even further, plus I will get financial assistance from work for this schooling. Aside from the actual job aspect there is also the fact that there will only be a 2 mile drive versus the 16 mile drive I am currently making. Oh, did I mention that I won’t have to wear a shirt and a tie anymore? Well, I’ll still have to wear a shirt because I’m sure there’s some policy regarding that, and no one wants to see me bare skinned walking around work. Anyway, I could go on all day, but I already started online courses today and that is probably going to suck up most of my time now, at least my Wednesday’s and Friday’s.

Oh, by the way, if you want to make your own South Park figures, go to this WEB SITE.

Is it any wonder that I hate winter? Last week at this time the only snow that we had was the stuff that was still in piles on the side of the roads. Most of it had already melted, the streets were clear, and the grass was showing. This bullshit happened in one day, of course a Monday. We had every road in our county shut down during the course of this storm. The last time I remember this happening was 11 years ago when I first started my job. It was my second day, and I was supposed to go and train, and I called in because I couldn’t make it in. Ah the memories I could tell. Maybe I should write a book… my life in the hell you call retail. But hey, back to winter’s death grip on my town.

I saw some Robins flying around here on Sunday afternoon so I’m guessing they’re wondering what in the fuck is going on and if it’s anything like the human race, the female Robin is bitching out the male Robin for coming back during a snowstorm.

That’s all I can say about the snow without getting extremely pissed off. Of course, the snow is probably better than getting a tornado.

We are bracing for another snowstorm to hit us sometime between when I fall asleep and when I wake up. All I’ve heard is that we could get anywhere from 6 to 10 inches total from this. Needless to say I won’t be going to work tomorrow in that shit. Actually I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow so I was taking the day off anyway. I can’t believe that it is almost the 13th of March already. This coming Wednesday will be the 15 and that is my 11 year anniversary at my store. I have a feeling that this will be my favorite anniversary I’ve ever had at work thus far and I’ll have to let you know how all that turned out on Wednesday. Maybe I’ll get an awesome gift this year for my anniversary. Hey, lets not dwell on my job anymore; because I’m sure not. I’m going to move on to a much more pressing matter; like the destruction of Family Guy.

I like the show Family Guy, I really do. The last time the show made its run it had a problem because FOX kept changing the nights that it was on and people could never find it and it really killed the ratings on the show. Everyone pretty much knows the deal with the resurrection of the show because of the high DVD sales but now that FOX has put it back on the air I think they’re fucking it up again. Sure they haven’t been playing night swap with it but it’s never on anymore. It seems like there is a show on and then you have to wait for four weeks to watch the next episode. Come on FOX, we as Americans don’t have that long of an attention span and we can’t remember to tune in whenever you decide to show the damn thing on TV. It’s fine to not show it the week of the Superbowl or the Oscars but why the fuck are there such big gaps in between? Maybe FOX doesn’t want the show to survive after all.

• If I have a dream and there is a helicopter in it, the helicopter will crash.
• Sometimes you just have to go for it.
• Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two totally different things.
• I really fucking want that new 2006 convertible blue Mustang that was at Ford when I got my oil changed.
• There’s a difference between a job and a career.
• Once you pop, you can indeed stop. Especially if you’re eating nasty shit like Pringles.
• Eleven years is a long goddamned time for anything, more so if it’s a job you don’t like.
• I can’t wait for March 31st this year.
• Death is inevitable, life is preventable.
• Wal Mart lets people set up beggars booths outside of their stores just so those people can bug the shit out of me.
• Did I mention I want that Mustang?
• Education is vital to your future and your success.
• I’m so sick of retail I don’t even enjoy shopping… well; I never did really enjoy that anyway.
• Some places of employment take their workers for granted and expect way more out of them than they should.
• Beavis & Butthead still make me laugh after all of these years.
• Variety is the spice of life, but I prefer Lawry’s Seasoned Salt.
• Winter is a cruel bitch that just won’t let go… she’s like a psycho girlfriend.
• Gas prices change for no reason other than greed.
• A 30 mile round trip is too far to drive for a job that doesn’t pay you as well as you think you deserve.
• Being able to sleep for more than two hours at a time does wonders for someone.
• Sometimes it feels so good to not care anymore.
• When life hands you lemons, make some lemonade and then piss in it.
• Whenever you can’t think of something solid to write, just make a list and people will think you actually tried.

Time flies when you’re not having fun doesn’t it? February is over tonight already and it seems like it just started. I like how everyone says it’s because the month is so short but it’s only short by 2 or 3 days… depending on what month you’re comparing it to. I think if people have such a problem then maybe we should take two of these 31 day months and steal a day from each and make February a 30 day month and then maybe, just maybe people will quit their bitching. Yeah, and I’ll be winning the lottery soon too.

I’ve been super busy doing all kinds of things, I almost feel like I have ADD with a side of laziness because I seem to want to start all sorts of projects but I never get into them. Aside from all my webpage things I’m also desperately seeking a new job and I’m also looking into other options for my life, like places to live and internet services. Let’s just say it’s been hectic. Maybe that’s why I don’t type really long blogs anymore? Perhaps starting next month my head will finally get screwed on straight and I’ll be able to get everything back in order and become a productive member of society again.

Close to 2 years ago I mentioned in here about my shitty GSM service I was getting from Cellular One in Wisconsin. Surprisingly around Christmas last year a new tower was put up and the reception has improved tremendously. This was a deciding factor in where I was going to go for cell service when my contract was up. I’ve always preferred the packages that Cell One offered me but when I went to GSM the reception was so horrible in some parts that digital was great in, I was greatly disappointed. It shouldn’t have taken two years to put up a tower but now that it’s up I still have my plan and I also have reception to boot. I know if reception hadn’t been improved, I would have gone to another provider, which means Alltel because there really isn’t much of anything up here in bumfuck northern Wisconsin. I’m sure if I was in Milwaukee, I could probably have my choice of providers like Cingular or Sprint but up here it’s like which one do you want, this one or the other one? There are of course multiple locations that offer Cell One and multiple locations that offer Alltel although I’m pretty sure they are all connected, I guess we just have multiple locations to lead us into the illusion that we have many options.

Anyway, I think I was telling a story here. New cell phone contract equals new cell phone of course. I usually always go with the free phone because I’m a cheap bastard, but this time I paid $80 more and got a Nokia flip phone with a camera built in… a camera I might add I’ll probably never use unless I accidentally find myself in the women’s locker room at my local gym. I do like the phone which is of course the reason I picked it out although I’m having the same problem I had before, finding a ring I can live with. I like my phone to ring, not sing as I probably mentioned last time I got a new phone. This little fucker doesn’t have a normal ring anywhere that I can find on it, all it has is a shitload of shitty musical numbers, one of which I’ll have to pick and live with because as I mentioned before; I’m a cheap bastard. $1.99 for a ring tone, think again.

I’m not too big into going to fast food places very much; in fact for the most part I try to avoid any food that gets handed to me through a window of the building. I do however like Quiznos and Subway occasionally. I went to Quiznos earlier this week and when I bought my sub they gave me a game card. I thought yeah whatever, I don’t win shit anyway so I took it home. Well, when I looked at it I realized that the prize I could win was a Quiznos franchise. Wow, wouldn’t that be exciting? Congratulations, you’ve just won a lifetime servitude to the food industry… good luck fucker.

Luckily when I looked at the odds and all of that shit I saw that I had the option of taking $157,500 instead of that. That’s good to know, because I really wouldn’t consider a franchise to be a prize, more like a curse. I don’t even know if you win the restaurant or just the rights to use the name to it. It says you win a franchise so you’d probably still have to get a building and most likely the equipment and then you’d have to hire people which isn’t easy because people for the most part are worthless lazy fuckers. Some prize… I say show me the money instead.

Two years ago I mentioned on my site about Barbie dumping her man Ken. I know I wasn’t the one to break the bad news to the world but I still reported it dammit. Anyway, Ken has now decided that he wants to win Barbie back from whatever guy she’s bumping plastic uglies with these days. Mattel has revamped Ken’s whole look (although it looks like those Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes got a hold of him). I wonder what Ken’s real intentions are here, because I highly doubt that he loves Barbie. I’m sure the true fantasy romantics out there may think that but I know he just misses all of the cool shit that Barbie has to play with. I think that since he was booted out of the Barbie Playhouse he’s been stuck living in a cardboard box somewhere in a warehouse. Well, maybe if Barbie doesn’t take him back, he can get with Barbie’s new guy friend.

Mattel’s fourth-quarter results January showed an 18 percent decline in Barbie’s U.S. sales. The company said that in addition to “tweaking” the Barbie line this year, more dramatic changes would be made in 2007. Hmm, wonder what “more tweaking” would mean? I know, Barbie’s gonna go lez in 2007 and open a whole new door. There’ll be new carpet munching Barbie and Ken will be booted once again for Barbie’s new lesbian lover Sherry. Hopefully Ken can get him some Barbie action soon, because I think after this year the only box Ken will be coming in will be his own.