It’s obvious that Valentine’s is getting closer. How can I tell you ask? Everyday I’ve gotten an email with the subject of “Give her unlimited orgasms”. There’s a business to get involved in. I wonder how many people actually open that shit up. That is as bad as the “grow your manhood” emails. Gee, while I’m at it, I might as well refinance my house too. Fucking spam.

We are having another mini snowstorm today. This bullshit is getting old. It seems like we get an inch or so every other day. If it isn”t snowing, then it is colder than a motherfucker out there. I guess I should be used to this shit considering I live in Wisconsin, but I don’t think I ever will be. I am to the point where I feel comfortable driving my car in this shit, but would rather not.

I am starting to think of where I would like to go to this year for my vacation. I would like to go somewhere that I’ve never been to yet. I’ve done the South Dakota thing twice, the Florida thing twice and pretty much everywhere in between those spots and Wisconsin. Here is a quick rundown of states I’ve been in:

Wisconsin (duh)
Minnesota
North Dakota
South Dakota
Wyoming
Montana
Illinois
Missouri
Indiana
Kentucky
Tennessee
Georgia
Florida
Arkansas

That leaves plenty of opportunities for fun places to go. There are a few places I’d like to go this year. I’d like to see the Grand Canyon. Lake Powell which is between Arizona and Utah would be cool to see (and doable in the same trip to the canyon.) Niagara Falls would also be a sweet place to visit, except you would almost need a chick to go with you there, and at the moment I’m chick-less. I’ve got a few months to decide where I would like to go but I think I will start my planning now. If I had vacation available now, I’d escape this winter hell and go somewhere warm now. Why didn’t I win the fucking lottery?

Can you smell that? Love is in the air. No, wait, I guess I just farted. Well, I’ve done everything I can try to do to stop it, but it’s coming full force. This coming Saturday is going to be Valentine’s Day. If you have noticed by my blogs compared to last year, the tirade against V-day isn’t there like it was a year ago. Perhaps I’m older and wiser. Perhaps I have an arrow sticking out of my ass. Perhaps there are many more important things to bitch about this year. Perhaps, just perhaps.

One thing for sure, this coming Saturday we all need to be extra vigilant. All of us as Americans need to keep our eyes open for any babies with wings and bows and arrows. I feel we will be on High Cupid Alert this coming weekend and expect everyone to do their part and cover their asses.

Another Sunday is winding down. I see that the Grammys are going to be on CBS tonight. I hear they are going to be having a five minute delay to catch anything that might be too risque for tonight. This is going to be a horrible show. I’m sure after last weekends Superbowl fiasco they are going to be editing everything out. Every time someone says anything that even starts with the letter F, it’ll get bleeped. This is going to be horrible. Wait, what am I talking about here. It’s the Grammys; it’s supposed to be horrible.

Have you ever been driving your car and for whatever reason you don’t have the radio or CD player on? (8 track player for those of you unwilling to accept new technology) What the fuck is this thing held together with anyway, Duct Tape? You’re just driving down the road minding your own business, and whoa, there is this funny squeak coming out of the vent area. What is that clicking noise coming from the back window? Now the clicking has apparently migrated to under the dash. Why is there a weird noise coming from the backseat? There isn’t anybody back there. Holy shit, what in the fuck is the turn signal so damn loud for? It’s annoying and now I know why I always listen to music when I’m driving; to keep my damn sanity.

You know, Friday it seemed to snow all day, but we it only accumulated about an inch. It was supposed to stop late Friday afternoon and then taper off to flurries. Well, it flurried a good inch or two Friday night into Saturday morning. Oh yes, and there is more on the way for tomorrow. What would a Monday morning commute to work be without snowy ass roads? Boring I guess. Oh well, at least I have something to look forward to at work on Mondays now.

You know, I wasn’t even going to do a blog today, but dammit, I just had to. I don’t like to stick to an issue for too long, it tends to get a little boring, but sometimes stupidity overrules that decision and I have to make an exception. There is still all of this fallout from the Janet Jackson booby at the Superbowl thing going on here. You know, fuck the FCC and everyone else that is going to go after this which brings me to what I have to bitch about today.

Terri Carlin. You know, with a last name like Carlin, I kind of had higher hopes for you. Terri has decided to file a lawsuit in a U.S. District Court and asked that it become a class-action suit against singers Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake and broadcasters MTV, CBS and their parent company, Viacom. Carlin alleges that she and others who watched the halftime show during Sunday’s Super Bowl were injured by the performers’ actions when Timberlake ripped off part of Jackson’s costume, exposing her breast. Carlin’s lawsuit seeks billions of dollars in compensatory and punitive damages. Her Attorney for this also said that because the game is broadcast worldwide, that the actions harmed the “standing and credibility” of Americans throughout the world.

Number one, you say you were injured? How in the fuck were you injured? I guess I don’t quite understand this frivolous lawsuit. You’re a woman and I’m only guessing but I think you probably see breasts everyday when you are getting dressed in the morning? Is that offensive to you too? Don’t go off suing yourself or anything. Number two, who in the fuck appointed you to stand up and decide what is decent or not? If you are so offended by sexual conduct but you had no problems with all of the violence that surrounds a football game then maybe you should spend your money on a shrink instead of an attorney. Number three. This is the big one. The actions harmed the “standing and credibility” of Americans throughout the world???????

Have you been watching the fucking television lately? The President of the United States took us into a war where he pretty much told the United Nations to go fuck themselves and the entire basis of his war is now being found out to be lies and over-exaggerations and you think the showing of a boob for 1 second and Nelly dry humping some half naked bitches on stage harmed our credibility? We don’t have any credibility left. Swallow that with your fucking freedom fries.

Since we’re filing frivolous lawsuits, I think I should sue you for adding yet another stupid lawsuit to the American Justice System. It’s shit like this that destroys our credibility. Every time something happens that we don’t like, we think we should sue over it. Oh no, my ass got too big from eating fast food, better sue Mc Donald’s. Uh, my lung just collapsed from smoking too much, better sue Marlboro. The grocery store ran out of the ad item and I went all the way across town to buy some, better sue them. What happened wasn’t right, and it didn’t belong on prime time television. You’re right on that part, but here’s the kicker. You don’t deserve any money out of this. Well, maybe a quarter so you can buy a clue.

It’s been a few days since I’ve posted here. The hazardous materials unit had just left after checking my mail for Ricin. What in the fuck is that all about anyway? Here I thought they said people were being sent poisonous Rice Krispies in the mail. Boy do I feel like a dumbass now. Here I had hazmat out here because of a free sample of Rice Krispies in my mail. Damn you Kellogg’s. Hey, which one of you Hazmat assholes stole my Penthouse?

Did you see it a couple days ago? It popped out for just a few moments, saw its shadow and made a hasty retreat. No, not Punxsutawney Phil, I’m talking about Janet Jackson’s breast. I guess I’m not really seeing what all of the hooplah was about. (I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever used the word hooplah; well, twice now.) I guess maybe I’ve been desensitized to this a little too much. Hey, she’s 37 years old, just be happy it wasn’t a saggy wrinkly breast. That would have been atrocious. You have to realize that she is a Jackson and this isn’t even considered controversial to that family. The most atrocious thing that she did at the Superbowl was share the stage with that piece of shit Justin Timberlake.

In reality there are many more things to be offended by than some woman’s breast, which the nipple is covered up by a damn pasty or piercing. CBS is saying that they weren’t aware that this was going to happen. In essence, Jackson lied to them. Well, now we have trouble. If there is one thing we don’t tolerate in this country, it’s a liar. If she continues to lie like this, she may become presidential. The government run FCC is now going to investigate this matter completely. Fines could reach into the millions by the time it is all said and done. I guess we need someone to fund our war efforts, and since we can’t find any WMD in Iraq we now have Weapons of Mass Distraction going on here. I guess if I turn on the TV and see Janet’s bare breast, that doesn’t offend me half as much as when I turn on the TV and see George Bush with that stupid little smirk on his face trying to cover up a lie with another lie. Exactly how many Americans have died in your personal vendetta in Iraq today? Justify it one more time for me, OK?

Although no Weapons of Mass Destruction have been found in Iraq, and the likelihood of any being found dwindle every day; George Bush has found some Weapons of Mass Attraction during this year’s Super Bowl.

This is the breast seen around the world. Every day more of George’s lies are exposed just like Janet’s nipple pierced breast. Now that is obscene.

On a side note, fuck you groundhog.

Here we go again. Another Sunday night, and another winter storm warning. This is serious bullshit here. I would continue to bitch about the weather, but it obviously does no good. Hey groundhog… don’t fuck up tomorrow, got it?

I was reading that J-Ho and Ben are through finally. Damn, let me get a Kleenex to wipe my tears away. You know, after all of J-Ho’s other marriages and courtships, I thought she really had something this time. I don’t really track her, but I know she was fucking Puff Daddy, or P Diddy or whatever the hell he calls himself. That lasted until she had a good record deal going for her, then suddenly she was fucking and married to Chris Judd. He was just some dancer or some shit, so I think she must have just done too much blow that day. Of course, that didn’t last too long, and last I saw Chris was a star on one of those reality shows for washed up stars. Now she’s dating Ben. Why, apparently because he was such a tremendous movie star she thought she would ride his coat tails. Hell, Daredevil was one of the best movies of last year, right? (it’s called sarcasm) I guess if you compared Daredevil to Gigli, it was the best… of the two. So, the whole movie thing didn’t work out too well, and now this is also finished. I wonder who J-Ho will be fucking next. Any takers? Is it my turn yet?

Hey, it’s the Stupid Bowl tonight. I didn’t even turn the SOB on. I don’t give a shit about it this year, not the game, not the commercials, none of it. I did see yesterday that pizza delivery was at one of its all time highs today though. Good thing I wasn’t ordering pizza today. I get slightly pissed when it isn’t here in 30 minutes. Dominoes can usually make it here, but then who wants to eat that shit anyway? Pizza Hut seems to take an additional 20 minutes, and I don’t know whether the delivery boy is pulling over somewhere jacking it or what, but they are only 3 minutes farther away from my house than Dominoes… so explain that shit.

My good friends Fat Tony and Joey Fingers are going to be paying Punxsutawney Phil a little visit today.

Let’s get one thing clear here Groundhog. You will not see your shadow this year. If you do happen to see your shadow, it’ll be the last thing you ever see. Capisce?

Now get outta here, you’re buggin’ me.

Holy balls was it cold today. It was somewhere in the area of -30, then with the added wind chill it took us down to -50 or so. What a bunch of bullshit that was. School actually got cancelled here today. Not because it was fucking cold or anything, but because someone unplugged the busses and they wouldn’t start. Now that is hilarious.

There isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on around here lately. The news is just plain boring, and they are telling me shit that I already knew. The president lied, we fucked up etc… Yeah, been there done that, time to move on.

Have you ever had one of those days where everyone at work gets on your nerves? I’m not even talking about your coworkers, I mean the customers. Hey, they always get on the nerves as you can tell by my customer rant page, but today they called in the special forces. All of the “special” people were in today. The guy that sometimes wears aluminum foil on his head was there – singing away in the aisle. The guy that rides his bike all over town, even in the winter was there. Who else joined my party? The fidgety chick, the excessively blinking guy and a few others that I’ve long since forgotten about thankfully. Roll that into the everyday pain in the ass customers and it makes for one hell of a Friday. Luckily I left early. Now I just need to do my taxes so I can get my ass some money back and pay off some bills.

Well, it finally showed up. We must have gotten at least 7″ of snow yesterday and last night. That’s nowhere near as bad as first predicted though. It started out that we were looking at upwards of 12″, so I guess what we got is better than that. The only thing that really sucks is that I still have to drive in the shit. Coming home Monday night sucked big time, because I was driving in it. This morning was a little better, but not by much. They had the roads slightly plowed, meaning there was now only one lane cleared out and the passing lane was non-existent. That figures, that is winter in Wisconsin.

What’s up with these rovers on Mars? What in the fuck do they expect to find anyway? So far all they’ve found are rocks! Let’s see, there’s no water on the planet, therefore no life. What the hell else do you think is going to turn up there? Oh look, an old Cadillac. Another waste of $820 million that this country doesn’t fucking have in the first place. Hey, let’s put some more people out of work so we can go look at some rocks on another planet. Hey fuckers, we’ve got rocks right here on Earth if you’d bother looking. For $820 million I think we could have come up with something better to do. Hey, let’s educate some people. Let’s try to stimulate the economy. Let’s go blow up another country that George Bush doesn’t like. All I’m trying to say is maybe we should take care of some of the shit on Earth before we start fucking up another planet. The rovers aren’t coming back either, so right there we’re littering on another planet. $820 million dollars worth of litter.

Hey, another weekend shot to hell. At this very moment snow is moving in from Minnesota towards Wisconsin. I knew we couldn’t trust those bastards in Minnesota. We’ve been under a winter storm watch since Friday night and it still hasn’t snowed yet. What in the hell is that all about? This is about as bad as a hurricane watch and warning. Hey, we know some shit is going to happen, we just don’t know when or exactly where yet. Let’s panic everyone first though in the interest of safety. As of tonight now they have upgraded the winter storm watch to a winter storm warning. Shit, that means something doesn’t it? I think it means we’re fucked. Once again though they don’t really know what is going to happen. They know there is snow there, but they haven’t quite figured out the path it’s on yet. I wish I had the flexibility like that in my job. Yeah boss, I’m gonna be there… probably sometime in the next day or so. I don’t really know how long I’ll stay and exactly what I’m going to get accomplished, but it could be as much as 8 hours worth. Damn meteorologists anyway.

I see Butterfly Effect took top spot at the box office. I think I’d actually like to go see that movie. I’m definitely not an Ashton fan by any means, but the movie looks pretty good. Of course I say that about a lot of different movies and then my cheap lazy ass waits until it comes out on video and I rent it. No sense paying that kind of money to go watch a movie with a room of strangers and eat overpriced popcorn when you can wait six months and watch it with cheap microwave popcorn in your house with a few friends in your damn underwear. Ok, I don’t actually watch movies in my underwear when there are people over. Guess you’ll never know unless you come over and watch a movie with me.

I’ve been on Atkin’s for almost a year now, and in that time I’ve seen this program go from a controversial diet to “THE DIET” to be on. Working in retail I can tell, this is the fucking thing. That is great that I can now buy all these new foods that are pouring into the market with their low carb claims, but how can I honestly trust them? Here’s my deal with all this. One of my main reasons for being large is because I like to eat sweet stuff. Fuck that, I love to eat sweet stuff. One of the main benefits on this plan is that I don’t eat all that sweet stuff at anymore. Now every company and their damn brother are inventing a supposedly low carb candy and snacks for us to enjoy. Even Frito-Lay is getting into the game. What in the fuck do they know about anything even remotely healthy? (sorry Twy) They are going to roll out some Doritos and Tostitos that only have 9 Grams of carbs per serving instead of the 18 found in the normal brand. Whoopty fucking doo. As stupid as that sounds to me, this is even stupider. Diet Pepsi has started to push the fact that they have Zero Carbs in their product. That’s really nice, but your product is still made with Aspartamine which isn’t even allowed in the Atkin’s plan. Better try a little harder next time. Another funny thing is the alcohol side of it. The hard liquor companies pitching their shit with zero carbs in it. Yeah, that’s healthy. Geez Dave, you’re wasted. Yeah, but I’m still at only 2 carbs for the day! The beer is funny too. Hey, we only have 3 carbs per serving. Well that’s wonderful if you only plan on drinking ONE beer. Let’s see, who in the hell does that? I hate the taste of beer, so if I’m drinking it, it’s so I can get shitfaced. So if I take your piddly 3 carbs and multiply that by the 12 pack I’m going to drink, that will be 36 carbs. There goes the low carb diet. I think I’ll stick to my mad cow for now.

Today when I got to work I found an empty 12 pack of condoms and an empty pregnancy test box. What the fuck is that about anyway? I guess if you are that big of a loser to steal a pack of condoms, I’d rather not have your worthless ass reproducing anyway. That’s all we need in our town is some more worthless parents attempting to raise their equally worthless kids in between their meth manufacturing and drinking and fucking around producing more demon seeds. Here, let me explain it to you and your fifth grade reading level. If you steal the condoms, then what in the fuck do you need the pregnancy test for? Follow me on this now, if you are knocked up, you really don’t need the condoms because you won’t get pregnant again, and if you use the condoms properly in the first place… YOU DON’T NEED THE FUCKING PREGNANCY TEST. Damn people get a little more stupid each day. Maybe they decided to fuck instead of watch the idiot President give his State of the Union (that he has destroyed) Address last night.

I know I missed it. I rented Freddy vs. Jason and watched that last night. That was much better than anything that could spew from GWB’s mouth. I have been a Freddy fan since somewhere around 8th grade, and I really can’t say I’m a Jason fan but I’ve seen a few of the movies. This is the movie that was years in the making. Shit, they were talking about making this movie back when I was still in High School. I think that one might actually make it into my collection. I would like to get the whole Nightmare box set DVD also, but that costs too much at the moment.